I'm not stupid! - Wolfstar
by Lizor
Summary: Sirius Black is the most popular boy at school and he hides two big secrets. When the chronically sick Remus Lupin turns up and becomes Sirius' new tutor, slowly things change and secrets come out…
1. Bruises and stares

**Note:** This is going to be my first ever long Wolfstar fanfic... I hope you enjoy it c: and please tell me what you think x

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 **Bruises and stares**

'Get out!' Sirius Black swung his bag over one shoulder and looked straight into his father's eyes.

'I have to go to school anyways,' Sirius snarled, trying to keep his tempter under control. He trembled backwards as he felt his father's fist collide with his cheek.

'Get. Out.' His voice sounded dangerously low and Sirius knew better than to provoke him right now. Without looking back, he kicked open the door and marched the bus which would take him to school, ignoring his father bellowing behind him that he was a disgrace. Sirius was greeted by several people on the bus, all trying to catch his attention, but he wasn't into talking to anyone right now, except for James. James Potter, his best friend, but James wouldn't get on the bus until two stops before school.

Sirius sighed and checked the reflection of his phone to see the damage that had been done. There was no blood, but there was a red spot, which was probably going to end up being a large bruise. It wasn't usual for his father to hit him in the face. Sirius must have really made him angry, because mostly he hit Sirius on spots where no one could see. No one would know how fucked up his family was. His parents and his little brother wouldn't speak about it and he wouldn't either. He was ashamed of it, he was ashamed that his parents didn't love him.

Sirius stared out of the window, ignoring the weird looks from his fellow schoolmates. Sirius would have to lie again, telling everyone he had been in a fight, getting everyone to whisper. He hated that part. He loved the attention he got by being one of the most – probably the most – popular boys in school. At least it made up for the attention he didn't get from his parents, but he hated the gossip. It was like he was a celebrity. There were constant gossips about how Sirius Black was dating another girl, while in reality he had only once had had a date with them, fucked them afterwards and gotten bored with them. They didn't really interest him, or at least, not these girls. He reckoned they were too young for his liking, he supposed he preferred girls that were a bit more mature, though the truth was, he wasn't sure if he liked girls _at all._

Sirius Black was a mysterious and loved guy and he had two big secrets that no one knew about, not even James. Of course James knew Sirius didn't really got around with his parents, but Sirius never told him how bad it really was and anyways what could James do? "Oh, I'm sorry Sirius that your parents abuse you and hate you, I will ask them not to and I'm sure they will listen." He didn't see why James should know more then just the minor facts. It wouldn't make him feel better anyways and if there was one thing that Sirius hated, it was people worrying about him. He could take care of himself.

'Pads!' he heard a familiar voice and looked up to see his best friend strolling towards him, his hair a complete mess – as always – and his round glasses shoved up his nose.

'Prongs,' Sirius greeted him and he did and attempt to grin, but was stopped by a pain soaring through his jaw. James looked at him before sitting down in the seat next to him.

'You're okay, mate?' he asked, a worried glinster in his hazel brown eyes. Sirius nodded and gave him a quick smile.

'So how is master Prongs? The new captain, ey?' Sirius gave his friend a little push. James grinned from ear to ear and nodded proudly.

'Yep, now I get the job to command you ladies around,' he said. Sirius laughed a forced laugh and returned his gaze back outside where the trees were flashing by. Luckily James hadn't noticed, since his glance was suddenly focussed on something completely else. Sirius looked up and saw the redhead enter the bus. He rolled his eyes at James who had suddenly turned into a soggy teenager with an enormous crush. Lily Evans took one look at him and decided she would sit as far away from them as possible, but that wouldn't stop James from staring and trying to catch her attention.

'You're pathetic,' Sirius whispered in James ear, but he wouldn't hear him and Sirius decided to leave him at his staring for a while, while he checked his phone on new messages.

'Pete is already there,' he said to James. Peter was also a friend of James and Sirius, though he was nothing compared to James in Sirius' eyes. He was a fun fellow, someone you could laugh and prank with, but that was it. It was a wonder though that James and Sirius had accepted him into their group, he was nothing like them – since both James and especially Sirius were unspeakably hot – but Peter had managed and since he came to much use in pranks and other stuff, James and Sirius didn't mind.

'Ahh Wormy,' James said, finally turning his gaze back to Sirius. Somewhere in the second grade, they had come up with names for each other. They were the most weird nicknames ever; James was Prongs, Peter was Wormtail and Sirius was Padfoot, but they worked and it gave them the feeling of a group, so they kept them.

The bus stopped and Sirius and James both got up, leaving the bus first – Sirius pulling James with him so he wouldn't stay to try and talk to Evans. Sirius was wearing his old, leather jacket, some ripped jeans and his big, black boots. He got his hand through his hair as he set foot on the ground and looked around for Peter. Some girls – standing next to him – giggled and tried to catch his attention, but Sirius was distracted by his thoughts and didn't even notice them, until he almost ran into one.

'Get out of the way,' he snarled and he pushed the girl aside. James frowned at him, but Sirius ignored it.

'What happened to your face?' James asked Sirius slowly as they crossed the grass towards the entrance of the school. Sirius shrugged and looked away.

'It's nothing, got in a fight with Reg.' He used his brother as an excuse more than once. It was normal for brothers to fight each other, well maybe not like this, but it was better than telling everyone his father had hit him because his grades weren't good enough – or actually, were getting worse. James examined him, but decide to leave it with that, for which Sirius was very grateful. Peter was already waiting for them and after a quick greeting, they marched into the school.


	2. Mysteries

**Note:** Chapter twooo, enjoy! And thanks for the favs, follows and reviews! (: I appreciate every single one of them x

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 **Mysteries**

'Maybe you should see the school nurse,' Peter muttered and Sirius shook his head.

'No, it's just a bruise,' he said, it came out harsher than he had meant and Peter quickly shut his mouth. James gave him a reproachful look, but left it with that. In a few hours the bruise on Sirius' jaw had become very big and very blue. At first he had tried to hide it, but since it was too big to stay out of notice, he had decided to make up a story about how he had fought with a dude twice his size. James had rolled his eyes, but hadn't said a thing.

'Since when do you let Regulus hit you,' he whispered in Sirius' ears during a long and boring math class.

'Since never, I just didn't expected it,' Sirius lied flawless. James frowned, but before he could even think of a response, the door was opened and professor McGonagall came in.

'Can I have a word with Sirius Black?' she asked. Sirius sighed. He swore he hadn't done any pranks lately, what was it now? Or had she discovered that it was he who had provided half of the students with alcohol during their last school dance? James gave him a questioning look and Sirius shrugged his shoulders.

'Take your bag with you, you won't be returning until the end of the class, mister Black,' she said. Sirius took his black backpack, swung it over one shoulder and followed McGonagall out of the class.

'What happened to you face?' she asked as they were walking the familiar way to her office. Sirius shrugged again.

'Got into a fight,' he said, which was partly true, but he left out the part it had been his father he had been fighting. He thought he saw a flicker of worry in her eyes, but it was gone before he had the chance to look any closer.

'Can't you just give me the detention and get this over with,' Sirius said. McGonagall frowned.

'Is there anything I should give you detention for?' she asked him, one eyebrow raised. Again, Sirius just shrugged.

'I'm sure you can find something,' he said. He could see the corners of her mouth twitch and she shook his head.

'For once, you are not in trouble,' she said, 'well, not with me, at least.' Sirius looked at her and swallowed. Would his parents have called? Would this about the low grades he had been getting? He couldn't do anything about that! He was studying, not particularly hard, but he had never had to study for anything, he just couldn't concentrate. Couldn't. That wasn't his fault.

'Come in,' she said and she let Sirius into the office where a sandy haired boy was sitting. He looked up as Sirius entered and gave him a smile, which Sirius didn't return.

'Who's this?' he asked McGonagall. The boy stood up, he was taller than Sirius, but he was also very thin and pale, like he was sick.

'Remus Lupin,' the boy said and he offered his hand, which Sirius shook – frowning.

'Sirius Black,' he murmured. The boy's gaze flickered towards Sirius' jaw, but he didn't say anything about it. Sirius looked at McGonagall who invited both boys to sit down and so they did.

'Your father called me this week,' she began. He had known it. Sirius tried to keep a straight face, but he couldn't help his hand from making fists. The Lupin boy looked from his fists at his face and quickly, Sirius looked away, trying to relax his hands and body by slumping into the seat, waiting for McGonagall to continue.

'He is worried about your grades, if you keep this up, you will not pass,' she said, again that worried flicker in her eyes. Sirius bit back a comment about how his parents didn't give a shit about him, but only about their status and shrugged.

'Like I care,' he said and McGonagall sighed.

'If you don't get your grades up, we are forced to take you of the soccer team,' she said, this did get Sirius' attention and he sat up straight.

'What? No! You can't do that!' he said.

'We won't, if you get your grades up,' she said and she nodded at the sand haired boy, 'and that is what mister Lupin is for. He will tutor you, on your fathers requests. You will see each other every Wednesday and Friday after school. You can stay on the team if we see improvement, if not, we have to get you off.'

'The coach won't agree,' Sirius stated.

'It was his idea,' she said and Sirius stared. Traitors. They were all traitors!

'Fine,' he growled and he looked at Lupin with despise, like he was the cause of this all.

'We've arranged a private room for you where you can study,' she said. You mean my dad paid for it? Sirius thought resentful. His parents were unbelievably rich and they didn't really hesitate on waving their money when they wanted something. McGonagall told him where he should be and what time and eventually told Sirius that was it. Sirius got up and without saying anything he stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

'Wait!' he heard behind him and he looked around. Remus Lupin was trying to keep up, but he seemed to have a lot of difficulty with that.

'What's wrong with you? You sound like a pig out of breath,' he said as Lupin got up with him.

'N-Nothing, bad stamina,' he puffed, Sirius frowned and started walking again.

'Please, not so fast,' Remus begged. Sirius snorted, but walked a bit slower.

'What do you want?' he sneered.

'I'm new here,' Lupin said, still out of breath, 'and I d-don't know where we have history, I saw you were in the same class, so I hoped that maybe you could show me the way. McGonagall gave me your schedule,' he explained quickly. Sirius had been planning to skip history, but now he had this pain in the ass to show around.

'This way,' Sirius murmured and he lead the boy to history with an even worse temper than before. James was already there and as soon as he could, he walked away from the Lupin boy and sat down next to his best friend.

'What was it?' James asked.

'I need to get up my grades,' Sirius mumbled, James frowned disinterested, 'or they will kick me off the team.' This – as it had done with Sirius – got James' attention.

'They can't!'

'They will if I don't do anything about it, I'm getting a stupid tutor and I should be improving or they'll kick me out,' he said. He was perfectly awear that Remus Lupin was able to hear him, but he didn't care. In his eyes, Lupin had ruined his life and he was not planning on making things very easy for him.


	3. The truth and more lies

**Note:** So many follows and favorites already! You guys are awesome, thank you (: x Let me know what you think!

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 **The truth and more lies**

'Prongs,' Sirius whispered. It had suddenly struck him that he had to go home after school and he was absolutely not keen to see his father again, knowing his punishment hadn't ended yet.

'What's up?' James looked up from his schoolbook.

'Is it alright if I stay at yours tonight?' He felt two eyes sting in his back and knew that Lupin was listening in on the conversation.

'Mind your own business, will you?' Sirius snarled at him as he looked around. The boy turned slightly red and nodded.

'Sorry, I didn't mean to-.' 'Of course not,' Sirius said coldly, turning back to face James who clearly didn't know how to respond.

'Sure,' he said, 'won't your parents mind?'

'Nahh,' Sirius said, 'they eh… are out tonight.' Another lie. He hated lying to his best mate, but he couldn't see another solution and he would not tell him. With that the conversation was finished and with a guilty feeling in his stomach, Sirius got back to his work, not that it did any good. He couldn't concentrate on the words that were standing on his paper and ended up staring in front of him until the bell rang and they were dismissed for class. Since he hadn't had been able to concentrate, he now had even more homework that needed to be done. Great.

 **xxx**

After school James and Sirius left Peter to get to soccer practice. Even James had now told Sirius he needed to get up his grades, since they wouldn't be able to practice on Wednesday and Friday if they missed one of their best players. This hadn't made Sirius any more pleasant to be around and most people – who had already notice Sirius was in a very bad mood – stayed away from him. They had stopped asking questions about his bruise eventually and that made it slightly better, but his bad temper increased every time he met eyes with the sand haired boy.

Sirius felt better soccer practice. He had been able to blow of some steam and James seemed to be a bit more comfortable around him, now he wasn't about to burst anymore. They went back to James' place, Sirius told James his parents knew where he was and James' parents were fine with Sirius staying there. They always were. Dorea and Charles Potter were more of a family to Sirius than his own parents.

'We're home!' James shouted as the boys entered the large Potter house. Dorea Potter came out of the kitchen.

'Are you boys hu- Sirius! What happened to you?' she asked, struck with horror.

'I… eh I got in a fight, it's nothing to worry about, Mrs Potter,' Sirius said, James gave her a look and she nodded softly, knowing it wasn't smart to go on about.

'Go upstairs for a bit, I will call you when diner is ready,' she said and disappeared into the kitchen. James grabbed Sirius' arms and dragged him up the stairs.

'Wha-.' 'Sit down,' his friend ordered. Sirius wanted to argue, but seeing his friend's face, he did as he said.

'You've been in an awful mood all day and I'm pretty sure Regulus didn't gave you this bruise,' James said and he folded his arms, 'I want to know what happened.'

'What makes you so sure?' Sirius said, looking his best friend straight in the eyes. He knew he couldn't fool James anymore, but he wanted to try at least.

'Because I know you and I know you are upset about something. I want to know what.'

'My dad,' Sirius whispered, 'he hit me.' For a few seconds, James could only stare and Sirius tried to avoid those hazel eyes by looking down at his hand, folded in his lap. This was exactly why Sirius hadn't wanted to tell James.

'D-Does he do that often?' James asked and Sirius shrugged his shoulders.

'No, it just got out of hand this time,' Sirius mumbled, 'please don't tell anyone, alright? I don't want anyone to know, it's stupid.' James nodded and sat down next to Sirius.

'Are you alright?' he asked.

'Yeah, just had a shitty day,' Sirius responded. James smiled and gave him a swift hug.

'Want to… err talk about it?' he asked, Sirius laughed.

'You're such a girl. No, I'm fine, I'd rather be distracted.'

'Soccer?'

'Yeah, sure.'

 **xxx**

'She is so pretty,' James whispered as he stared at the ceiling. Sirius rolled his eyes and laughed.

'She is alright, but not really my type,' Sirius mumbled. James had been obsessing over Lily Evans for over almost three years now. He didn't see what so special about her, but James insisted she was perfect and that there was no one else but her. Sirius couldn't really understand how James was so obsessed over one person. Of course Sirius had found some girls interesting. They were hot he supposed, he didn't really look at girls, not like James.

'We should get you a girlfriend,' James murmured and Sirius frowned.

'I'm not the one who has been obsessing over one girl for three years, mate,' Sirius grinned, which resulted in him getting pushed of the bed by Sirius.

'Dick,' James murmured, 'I don't obsess. I just like her, a lot.' Sirius snorted and got up.

'Why do you think I should get a girlfriend, then?' Sirius asked. James shrugged and put his hands behind his head. They had just had dinner after they had played some soccer, both of them were pretty exhausted and they had both slumped on James' bed.

'Because. You could use the distraction,' James said. Sirius frowned, if there was one thing he didn't need it was more distraction. James looked at him.

'Isn't there anyone you like? I mean, how long has it been since you kissed someone?'

'Maya Rivers,' Sirius mumbled, 'she was my last.'

'That was at last years dance! I thought you and Eliza had done things at homecoming.' Sirius shook his head. Eliza was pretty and she was alright. At least she wasn't a dumb giggling girl, but she didn't interest Sirius, to be honest Sirius had been looking more at Daniël Tipper.

'You can get all the girls in the school and still you don't,' James mumbled. Sirius could hear he was slightly jealous and laughed softly. 'Are you sure you're straight, mate?' James joked.

'Yeah,' Sirius mumbled, 'I just don't like the amount of giggling those girls do.'

'What about Marlene? I thought you two had a bit of a thing.'

'Marlene McKinnon? Yeah, she is alright. She asked me if we could go to the Halloween dance together.'

'And what did you say?'

'That it was fine.'

'You sound excited,' James said sarcastically.

'Oh shut up, Potter,' Sirius laughed, 'not everyone is as obsessed with a girl as you are.'

'She will say yes eventually.'

'Yeah, dream on, mate.'

They spent the next hour discussing girls and decided that James should ask Lily Evans to the Halloween Dance – and not be a total dick about it this time. Sirius knew Evans only pretended she hated James' guts – at least, so had Marlene told him – but he did notice that she paid a lot of attention to James, even though it was in a "hating" form. Maybe James had a chance after all with her, when she would finally come to her senses. As for Marlene, Sirius liked to hang out with her, but he was pretty sure, it was never going to work out between them, since he was getting more and more sure about the fact that he did not like girls at all. Though he wasn't really ready to say that out loud, not yet at least.


	4. Intrigued

**Note:** A new chapter! Let me know what you think (: Thanks for the reviews and follows, you guys rock! x

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 **Intrigued**

'I have to go do that tutor thing,' Sirius said, not particularly enthusiast.

'Good luck, see you tomorrow.' Peter and James told him goodbye and left Sirius standing alone in the hallway. With a deep sigh, Sirius turned around. He ought to go there by now, he was already late. He absolutely wasn't looking forward to this tutor thing, but he needed to stay on the team, it was one of the only things he actually enjoyed doing. So after doubting if he maybe just should go home, he eventually opened the door to the private door that had been appointed to him. Remus was already sitting at the table and looked up with a nervous smile. Sirius dropped his bag on the ground and slumped into the empty chair opposite of the boy.

'Hello, Sirius,' Remus said politely.

'Whatsupp, Lupin.' The sand haired boy blushed slightly uncomfortable.

'Are you ready to start?' he asked. Sirius looked down at the books that were stalled out in front of him.

'Yeah, sure,' he mumbled, he took a look at the clock and sighed.

'So, I figured we could go over Maths first since we have a test next week,' Remus said, his voice suddenly changed into a very teacher like voice and Sirius wasn't really sure what to think about that. 'Is that alright with you?' Sirius nodded.

'Professor McGonagall gave me your last test and… well…,' there was a short silence.

'I sucked?' Sirius answered.

'I wouldn't put it like that,' Remus said slowly, 'but there are some things you need to work on.' Sirius had a hard time not making a nasty comment and he kept silence, looking at the boy in front of him.

'For example, lets take a look at this first one,' Remus said and he leaned over a bit. They spent their first hour looking over Maths and even though Sirius didn't want to admit it, he did learn something from the boy. He had a calming effect and Sirius noticed he could easier concentrate when the boy was talking to him. He was patience and would explain it again if Sirius didn't get it right away.

'I'm not stupid, you know,' Sirius said after a while. Remus looked up and smiled.

'I know,' he said. Sirius nodded, he had just wanted him to know. He really wasn't stupid, that was not the point. Maths had been his best subject and it didn't take him long to see what he had done wrong. It had been this concentrating thing again. Whenever he had to make a test or sit in class, he could not get his mind to work with him and take in the information. He used to just watch over everything the day before, but that didn't work anymore. Suddenly Sirius thoughts were interrupted by a loud cough. He looked up and saw how the boy in front of him had turned slightly red and had started coughing violently.

'Are you alright?'

'Yeah yeah fine, I'm s-sorry,' Remus croaked. He got up and walked over to the window to open it up. For a while he just stood their, window open and his eyes closed and Sirius watched him. The wind would play with his brown hair and he had his long fingers curled around the window sill. Sirius wasn't really sure what to do, so he just kept quiet and waited - impatiently.

'I'm sorry,' Remus said again after a while when he came walking back. He seemed to have gone more paler than before and as he closed the books, Sirius could see his hands shake.

'We will do History and English Friday, y-you can go,' he said. Sirius nodded slowly and took up his bag, but before he could leave the classroom, Remus had called for him.

'Sirius? Would you mind not to mention this to anyone?' Remus whispered. Sirius nodded.

'Yeah, of course,' he said before disappearing out of the room. He kept replaying the scene in is head. He wasn't sure what was so bad about the coughing and he didn't know why he had agreed on keeping a secret. It was not like they were friends.

Sirius had to walk home, since the schoolbus wasn't driving at this hour. He had stayed with James for one night and then gone back home. It wasn't as bad as he expected, they had ignored him and he had gotten no further punishment. The bruise on his jaw had now changed into a strange red and yellow spot. He hoped it would soon disappear, because he didn't like explaining to everyone he came across where he had gotten it.

All the way he couldn't keep his mind of Remus Lupin, the mysterious new boy. He pushed the thoughts away, Remus was still a dick, even if he acted nice, because of him Sirius now had to do those stupid tutor lessons. Prick.

With a deep sigh, Sirius opened the front door. He hoped no one would hear him or pay attention to him, because he really wasn't in the mood. He had hated to lie to James about the bruise, he wish he had told him the truth about everything, but James had already seemed so worried.

'How was it, then?' he heard. His mother stood in front of him, hands in her hips and looking as strict as ever. Sirius raised his head and made himself tall, like he always did towards them. He didn't want them to know he was scared, that would only please them.

'It was alright,' Sirius responded and his mother frowned.

'You make sure you get up your grades. You are already enough of a shame for our family with those… clothes and that hair and those ridiculous friends!' Sirius forced his lips together and looked her straight in the eyes. He hated it when she talked about his friends like that, but this wasn't the time to argue. Sirius had had enough bruises for one week.

'I have never seen your father so angry before. He hated punishing you like that, but you were asking for it.' Sirius couldn't help but snort.

'Hated? Don't make me laugh, I'm sure he enjoyed it,' Sirius scowled. He felt a hot sting in his cheek as his mother slapped him with her flat hand.

'Upstair. Now. I don't want to see you at dinner and go study, you stupid boy!' she sneered. Sirius gave her a look full loathing and ran upstairs, closing his door with a hard slam and collapsing on his bed. He hated them. They were disgusting. He wondered if they even loved him a tiny bit, though actually he didn't want to think about that. Parents should love their kids. That's how it should be, then what did he do wrong?

Sirius got his phone out of his bag, should he call James? No, he couldn't. James would suspect, after what Sirius had told him. He had to forget about that first, he couldn't worry. Sirius wished he could get drunk, completely waisted. That would be nice, but there was no way his parents were letting him out right now and climbing out of the window wasn't a good plan. Last time, that had ended in a broken arm, a really mad father and also a very mad coach. It was time to get his private stock.

The black haired boy got a small box from out of his closet and opened it. He didn't smoke weed very often, but it helped him sometimes. To calm down. To forget everything. To concentrate. He had sometimes used it for a test, but hadn't dared, since he had been caught one time by McGonagall. He had begged her not to tell his parents, but it had still earned him quite a lot of detentions – and again an angry coach because he had to miss a lot of practices and even a game. It seemed like people could only be mad at him and to be honest, most of the time, he was mad at himself too.

Sirius carefully rolled the joined, as an older guy had thought him. Cedric – an older student – was the one who supplied Sirius with weed, every now and them. He was the one who had introduced Sirius to the stuff and he was very glad for it. Sirius wasn't stupid, he knew this stuff wasn't great for you, but he didn't smoke it very often. Once a month, max, so it couldn't do any harm, really.

He had made sure he had locked the door, before opening the window and lighting the joint. Whilst looking over the empty street, one way or another, the only thing he could see, where those sand colored hairs, those long fingers and those bright, green eyes. As Sirius stared and felt the drug relax his muscles, he wondered what was so intriguing about this mysterious boy.


	5. Wrong thoughts

**Note:** I'm back! I was on a festival (called Pinkpop) so I didn't have time to update, but I'm back with some new chapters c: enjoy and let me know what you think c: xx

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 **Wrong thoughts**

Sirius was secretly looking forward to his next tutor session with the mysterious boy and he hated it. He hated how he longed for that calming feeling Remus had given him, a feeling not even the best joint had ever given him. He hated how he had caught himself staring at the boy, he shouldn't. Sirius didn't understand how on earth someone could have this effect on him. He didn't even know Remus, but he did know this was wrong. Sirius wasn't supposed to like guys or be intrigued by them. He was supposed to like girls and go out with them and kiss with them and _actually enjoy it._ His parents were supposed to love him unconditionally. His grades were supposed to be good and above all, he supposed to be listening to what the teacher had to say, instead of staring at how the sand haired boy was chewing on his pencil.

Sirius could hit himself. Since their first tutor lesson, he couldn't keep his mind and eyes away from Remus Lupin and he hated it. He hated Remus Lupin for doing this to him. At first he had hated him for the tutor lessons, even though it hadn't made sense and now he hated him for being on his mind and that made even less sense.

It wasn't that Sirius liked Remus or thought he was attractive. Remus wasn't attractive, not in the way some other boys were. He wasn't ugly, but he sure wasn't hot, or something. That wasn't it. It was the way how Remus had made him feel. He had calmed him down, made him feel like everything was okay and that was something, Sirius hadn't felt in a long time.

James didn't understand. His parents loved him, he wasn't like Sirius. James understood a lot of things, but not this. One way or another, Sirius felt like Remus did understand and that made him feel like a complete lunatic. So Sirius shoved away his strange feelings towards this boy, like he always did and built up his wall even higher, making him snappy and grumpy. By the time he threw open the door to enter the private room, he had reached boiling point and he was going to snap, for sure.

Just like last time, Remus greeted him politely, but Sirius just grumped. He knew if he would open his mouth, he wouldn't be making any friends. Not that he wanted to friends with Remus, he didn't, but he had to stick up with this guy for another while, so he had to at least try to not be a complete dick, though he would probably still be one.

Remus started off with history, but this time his voice explaining, didn't calm Sirius down, at all. It only got him more on edge and after a while, Remus looked up.

'Is something wrong?' he asked.

'No, what would made you think that?' Sirius said harshly.

'You seem upset.' Sirius scowled.

'Just explain the stupid thing and lets get this over with, alright?'

'Alright,' Remus said softly and he continued reading. He didn't look too well, Sirius noticed. He seemed paler than before and his reading was more often interrupted by coughs then last time.

Eventually, after two long hours of Remus trying to be polite as possible and Sirius constantly snapping at him, they finished their session and Sirius left, slamming the door behind him, not paying attention to the loud coughs that followed him. He was glad he had decided to go out with James, he desperately needed to get his mind of things and he might be giving in to James proposal to get a girlfriend, or to at least get snogged and fucked. He knew Marlene McKinnon would be there too and he also knew she was particularly interested in him.

Peter was already there when Sirius arrived at James' house. Sirius had taken an hour to shower and dress at home and had then left for James' before his parents could call him back. They didn't like him coming back drunk in the middle of the night, because what if any of their neighbors saw him? What if anyone knew they had a son like that. Sirius had been going over it with his father a thousand times, but no one could keep him from going out on Friday night and drinking his ass off. Not even his father when he was in an aggressive mode.

'Ah, there you are.' James let Sirius in and studied him when he came in without saying a word. Sirius wasn't feeling any better and he needed a drink.

'Do you have something to drink?' was the only thing the black haired boy asked his friends. James nodded slowly and beckoned him up the stairs. He knew those moods where Sirius could be in sometimes and he also knew it was better to just give him what he wanted and leave him be.

'Hello Pads,' Peter greeted them, Sirius ignored him and dropped himself unto James' bed. He saw Peter and James exchange looks, but he focused himself on the bottle of whiskey that was placed on the desk.

'What time are we going?' James asked to no one in particular.

'We could go now or…?' Peter gave Sirius a look, but he just shrugged, opened the bottle and took a large gulp.

'We'd better go,' James said, 'Pete, you better go to the toilet, we don't want to have to walk to the toilet with you every ten seconds because you're too drunk to walk.' Peter turned slightly red and disappeared out of the room.

'Do you want to talk about it?'

'Absolutely not,' Sirius replied and took another gulp. James sighed.

'Fine, but please don't get too wasted. I don't want to have to look after you all night. Evans will be there and-.' 'You won't have to, I can look after myself. Come on, lets go.' James followed Sirius down the stairs. Peter met them when they were pulling on their jackets.

'James, please try not to make it too late.' Dorea Potter appeared in the kitchen door. She glanced at Sirius, but he stood by the door playing with his cigarettes, not paying attention.

'I won't mum, don't worry.' He kissed her on the cheek and she smiled at him. Sirius swallowed and opened the door to walk away without saying a word. He heard James' mom ask what was wrong, but he just gave a vage answer for which Sirius was glad. He lit up a cigarette and inhaled the smoke, waiting for James and Peter to catch up with him. For a moment he closed his eyes, the whiskey from earlier was already doing it's job and it felt good. He felt James' arm around his shoulder and grinned at the boy.

'Lets go fix ourselves some girls,' Sirius said and the three of them headed for The Three Broomsticks.


	6. Special kisses

**Note:** Aww it looks like Sirius is a bit in love with someone else... c: oopsie. Enjoy and let me know what you think! x

* * *

 **Special kisses**

Sirius moaned softly as their lips crashed together. He felt those long hands curl around his next and tangle with his hair. Sirius put his hands around his waist and pulled the sand haired boy closer as they deepened their kiss.

It was dark in the club and Sirius was caught up in a fantastic kiss. A smile played with the corners of his mouth as he let a hand travel up the tights of the other boy. A muffled sound came from the other boy's mouth and Sirius opened his mouth only to look into the big brown eyes of Marlene McKinnon. Sirius freezes. Had he just been imagining kissing Remus Lupin instead of one of the prettiest girls in school? He was really going mad.

'That was even better than I had imagined it?' Marlene whispered in his ear. She smiled and pressed her lips on his again, but this time only just for a moment. Sirius could only blink, he had no idea what to say.

'Shall I get us some drinks?' he managed to say after a while. She played with his fingers and nodded, kissing him again. Very subtle, Sirius got away from her, but before he could walk away, she pulled him back to smash her lips on his one last time.

'How do you do it?' Sirius looked up. James had came to him as he was standing at the bar ordering drinks for him and Marlene.

'Do what?'

'Get every girl you want.' _I don't want them._ Sirius shrugged and took the drinks after he paid.

'No idea mate,' he mumbled.

'All the girls are talking about you, even though _I'm_ the captain of the team. It's unfair,' James pouted. Sirius couldn't help feeling a bit proud. He was aware his looks stunned most of the female part of the school and even a few of the boys.

'Sorry mate, I can't help it. I'm just too hot.'

'Hot damn,' James muttered before he strolled away to get back to Peter who was – to Sirius' surprise – talking very closely with a pretty girl. Sirius frowned and took his drinks back to Marlene.

'We are going to have an afterparty at Alice's house, are you coming?' she asked sweetly. Sirius shrugged and nodded.

'Yeah sure, as long as Pete and James are invited,' he said. He was _not_ going to spent the rest of the evening in a house with only girls.

'Yes of course,' she said and she smiled. Half an hour later they got their coats and made their way to Alice's. They were joined by Dorcas Meadowes, Mary MacDonald and – to both James and Sirius surprise – Lily Evans. Apparently she was too drunk to care if James was around or not. At least, so the others said. Though Sirius suspected she didn't mind that much that his best friend was there too.

Sirius crashed down on the sofa. His head was foggy since he had a bit too much to drink. He scanned the small living room. Alice had said her parents were out for the weekend, so she was home alone. Sirius hoped they might make it a sleep over so he didn't have to go back home, which he wasn't looking forward to. If his parents realized he was completely pissed, he was dead and since it was weekend and he had a reason not to get out of bed, his father wouldn't be as polite as normally.

Marlene crawled on his lap and Sirius looked up at her. Dorcas and Alice were entering the room with a few weird colored drinks. On the other end of the room apparently the pretty girl Peter had been talking with, had been exchanged by a willingly Mary and they were now kissing.

James was having a discussion with Lily, but not the heated kind of discussion they mostly had. Lily was even laughing. He wanted to frown and make a comment on Lily's behavior, but before he could, he felt Marlene's hand under his shirt and her lips in his neck.

'We should go up, we can use the guest room,' she muttered against his hot skin. Sirius moaned softly, but he didn't really answer her.

'Marly! Please get a room!' Lily broke our kiss. Marlene chuckled and looked at Alice.

'No. No way,' the girl said after she realized what Marlene was implying. 'You are not going to fuck Sirius Black in this house.' Marlene sighed, but stayed on Sirius' lap.

'Sorry babe, maybe another time,' she whispered. Sirius knew he should be disappointed, but he couldn't help and feel slightly relieved.

'Lets play a game!' Dorcas cried out.

'How about truth or dare?' Alice suggested. Sirius rolled his eyes. Stupid game. It was always the same, if there were girls around, they would suggest that game. Just to get into the boys' pants.

'Do you like that, Siri?' James snorted and Sirius shot him a deadly look.

'Sure,' he answered Marlene. Siri. Ugh. He hated that nickname. James called him like that sometimes, just to tease him, because he knew he hated it.

'Okay, Marlene truth or dare,' Alice started off. Sirius slumped back and closed his eyes. He wanted to go, he was already bored and he wanted to sleep.

'Dare,' she said, shifting on Sirius' lap.

'Kiss James for one minute – on the mouth.' Sirius frowned and looked at James, who stared at Alice. Marlene chuckled and got up. James stood there like an idiot, but as soon as Marlene pressed her lips on his, he responded and pulled her closer. It was weird to watch the two and eventually Sirius turned his head away, seeing something far more interesting. Lily was biting her lip and constantly looking on her watch.

'Yes yes, okay minute is over, you can stop.' She pulled Marlene away from James and caught Sirius' eye. The black haired boy was grinning at her and Sirius noticed she got slightly red as she shot him a deadly look.

Marlene took back her place on Sirius' lap and turned around to face him.

'Your turn, truth or dare?'

'Dare.'

'Okay ehm,' she looked around the room and her eyes stopped on James, 'kiss James. Tongue. One minute.'


	7. Shared lips

**Note:** Poor Siri... Enjoy and let me know what you think! x

* * *

 **Shared lips**

Sirius frowned, James just stared. They looked at each other and Sirius pushed Marlene from his lap so he could stand up. He agreed this was weird, but it was truth or dare and Sirius Black never backed out of anything. Besides, he had been kind of curious for a while now how it was to kiss a boy.

'Luckily I'm drunk,' James grinned. The room was completely silent and everyone held his breath as Sirius and James moved towards each other. Sirius felt his heart throb in his throat. If he liked this, he would be sure about it. If he liked this, he _was_ the thing he had been trying to deny for forever now. If he liked this, Sirius Black was gay.

And like, Sirius did. As their lips collided and a sloppy kiss was started, Sirius felt something clicked. He knew he didn't like James, not as more than a friend, but something was right, different. The wasn't like any other girl he had kissed. He realized that, if this sloppy kiss felt this great - even though he hadn't feelings for James, at all – it would be even better with other boys.

'Guys, really… you can stop,' Marlene whispered. James pulled away directly and wiped his mouth, looking disgusted. Sirius tried to look as disgusted as possible, but he couldn't help and enjoy the weird sparkles he had felt.

'Sirius, are you alright?' Lily frowned and Sirius nodded.

'Yeah that was… ewh, gross,' Sirius said and forced a laugh. No body would remember, they were all too drunk or too not interested.

'It's your turn.'

'You go on,' he replied to Alice, 'I think I'm going home, I -,' he looked around, 'my parents asked if I could be home by eleven.'

'Mate, it's two 'o clock,' James frowned.

'I know,' Sirius grinned, 'that's why I should be heading home. I'll see you later.' Without another word, he left the house. It wasn't very warm outside and Sirius only had his leather jacket with him, so he had to put his hands deep into his pockets to keep warm.

Only when the cold evening breeze played with his dark hair, everything fell into place. He had liked the kiss with James, not because he liked James, but because he liked guys. It had been bugging him for a year now, but never had the answer been so clear and to be honest; it swept Sirius of his feet.

He didn't want to go home, because he knew he would get in lots of trouble if his dad found out he had been out all night and was also very drunk. Sirius planted himself on a small bench in the middle of a park. He stared in front of him and suddenly everything overwhelmed him. Sirius Black never cried. Not when his father hit him or when he fought his mother. He didn't cry about anything, but right now, he felt his cheeks go wet. He didn't want to be gay. He hated it. Not because it was so bad to be gay, he had nothing against gay people, but they were always a bit different. How hard everyone tried to accept them like it was normal, Sirius knew that a big part of the society didn't accept gays. Wouldn't accept him. His family wouldn't either. They already hated him, but this would simply make them disgust him and how much he pretended not to care, he did.

And James? What about him? Would he still want to be friends with Sirius or would he be grossed out because of the kiss they had shared? No, Sirius thought, James wouldn't leave him. James was his best friend and Sirius was sure he didn't care if Sirius was gay or straight or whatever. That thought made him feel slightly better and he could reduce the sobbing to silent tears trickling down his face.

He had no idea what he should do now. He wanted to tell someone what he had realized, talk about it to someone, but he couldn't think of anyone who would understand. James was one hundred procent straight and even though he was a great friend, he wasn't really the type for sensitive talking. He could definitely not talk to one of his parents and though he might be able to talk to James' mother, he didn't feel like that would be appropriate. They were James' parents and not his.

Once again, Sirius felt completely alone. He might be making things worse than they were, but it felt for him as if the world had ended with his discovery. He hugged his knees and stared into the darkness. The place and the silence made him feel even more lonely, but after a while, he heard footsteps. Sirius looked around, swiftly wiping away those stupid tears and looked into a very familiar face. The figure didn't recognize him immediately, but he smiled as he met Sirius' grey eyes.

'Sirius? What are you doing here at this hour?' the other boy asked. Sirius shrugged his shoulders, he knew if he was going to talk, he would betray the fact that he had been crying. So he kept silent and just stared at the brown haired boy in front of him.

'Troubles at home?' Cedric sat down next to him and Sirius shrugged his shoulders again.

'You could say that,' he murmured. It wasn't exactly a lie, but he also wasn't telling the complete truth. Cedric studied him. They had never really spoken to one another, but they both knew they had trouble at home. Sometimes, Cedric was sort of a brother for him, not like James, but he felt a bit better now Cedric was here.

'Weed?'

'Yes, please.'

Sirius was glad Cedric didn't ask him any more questions and they sat there for a while in silent, smoking. Suddenly Sirius felt a hand on his leg and he looked up at the boy. Cedric had put out the joint and was now looking intensely at the black haired boy.

Cedric wasn't exactly what you call hot. He wasn't ugly either, but he did had a sort of charm, he was attractive, but he had never really caught Sirius' attention in that way. Just as a friend. Though now, Cedric was pressed a little too tight against him for it to be friend like and Sirius felt like he was being cornered by the musclier boy.

'What are you doing?' Sirius asked as Cedric took his chin between hands, but Cedric just shushed him before pressing his lips harshly on Sirius and forcing himself on the boy.


	8. Sick

**Note:** Sorry for keeping you waiting... enjoy this next chapter! (:

* * *

 **Sick**

For a moment Sirius didn't know what to do. He felt trapped, but his limps wouldn't help to free him, but as Cedric's tongue attacked his mouth, Sirius was able to push him away. He got up quickly and stared at the boy. He wasn't sure what to say. Cedric had supplied him with weed, they had sometimes shared a short conversation, but they weren't friends or anything and most of all; he did not like Cedric, not in that way,

'W-What are you doing?' Sirius asked again. Cedric stayed on the bench, looking vaguely at the black haired boy. Sirius did his best to think clear, but his head was a fog because of the alcohol and the weed.

'Oh come one Sirius, everyone can see you are a complete poof and I'm hot, you can admit you want it. I've seen you looking at me.'

'I am not a poof and I sure am not looking at you!' Cedric snorted and got up, walking closer towards Sirius. Sirius wanted to back away, but he kept standing where he stood, not to show the other boy any weakness.

'Still in the closet, are you?' Cedric said soothing, 'it's alright, I've been there, but eventually it gets so dusty, you just need to get out.' He tried stroking Sirius' cheek, but Sirius slapped his hand away.

'Piss off Cedric,' Sirius growled. This boy might be bigger – and older – but Sirius wasn't going to let Cedric play with him like that.

'I got to go home,' Sirius murmured and he turned on his heels to stroll away. When he looked back, he saw Cedric shrug and walk away as well and for the second time this evening, Sirius was overwhelmed by loneliness. It wasn't fair, why did he have to go through all of this, he had done nothing wrong.

 **xxx**

'Sirius? Sirius!' Sirius looked up.

'Huh? What?' The face of Remus Lupin came into view. He was waving one hand in front of Sirius' face, trying to catch his attention.

'Did you pay attention to anything I said?' Remus asked. Sirius bit his lip.

'It was about… that math thing… you know,' Sirius murmured.

'We are doing history,' Remus said calmly. Sirius blinked and felt his face grow red.

'Have you slept last night?' Remus asked carefully. Sirius shrugged, he had slept, but not much. He had actually been quite awake for the pas few nights and that had everything to do with the two kisses he had in one night. Two kisses, from boys.

'Is something bothering you?' Sirius didn't respond. He wasn't here to talk about his feelings and he didn't even know Remus.

'No,' he said softly after a few minutes silence. Remus sighed.

'Shall we stop or-,' his sentence was interrupted by a loud cough. Remus tried to get up – still coughing – but he was shaking and his legs wouldn't hold him. Sirius directly shot to help.

'I-just… air,' Remus croaked. Sirius got him to the window. His arm tightly wrapped around the boys waist – and trying to ignore how great it felt to be at Remus' side. He opened the window with one hand and Remus sat down on the window sill. The coughing didn't seem to stop and Sirius looked helpless at the boy.

'G-Get Professor McGonagall, please,' Remus almost wasn't audible, but Sirius figured out what to do, nodded and sprinted away. He didn't know what was wrong, but it seemed bad and at the moment he didn't care that he was supposed to hate the guy.

'Mr. Black what are-.' 'It's Remus… Lupin, he is…,' Sirius struggled with his words, but McGonagall apparently seemed to know what was wrong. Without a word she left her room and Sirius followed her on the heel towards the study room.

'Mr. Lupin?' she called as they came in. Remus hadn't gotten better and he seemed to have a lot of difficult with getting air.

'Mr. Black, call the hospital now.' Sirius froze and stared at her.

'NOW!' she bellowed. Sirius nodded quickly and with hand shaking he took his phone out of his phone. McGonagall had walked over to Remus and tried to calm down his breathing. She had been informed on what was wrong with Remus, so it seemed and as Sirius explained what was wrong to the woman on the phone, he couldn't keep his eyes from the boy.

'The ambulance is c-coming,' Sirius said. McGonagall nodded and went on with whatever she was doing to calm down Remus. Sirius just sat down and as the paramedics came rushing in, tried to stand out their way. He wanted to do something, but he couldn't and he felt so helpless. Remus was being taking outside and before Remus could even say so much as his name, he was gone.

'I'm sorry you had to see that, Sirius, but don't worry. He'll be alright,' McGonagall spoke in an oddly nice voice. Maybe she realized Sirius was in quite a shock as his tutor just had been randomly taken to the hospital.

'They know what to do, Remus parents will be called, it's fine. I think it's best if you go home, alright?' Sirius wanted to ask so many question, but he could only nod. McGonagall gave him a rare smile and left Sirius alone. It took Sirius a few minutes to get his body to work again and with the image of Remus coughing his lungs out, burned in his thoughts, he got up and started to pack his things.

His hands still shook as he made his way down the empty hall. There was definitely something wrong with Remus. McGonagall acted as like this happened every day, but maybe it did? Well, not every day of course, but it seemed like Remus was quite sick. Sirius wondered how bad it was and if it might kill the sand haired boy. He swallowed. Somehow, the picture of Remus dying, felt as worse as the idea of James dying and for Sirius that absolutely didn't make any sense. At all.


	9. Awkward Visitors

**Note:** Chapter nine already, enjoy! xo

* * *

 **Awkward Visitors**

Was he really going to do this? Sirius stared at the flowers in his hand and then stared up at the huge building in front of him. He hated hospitals. Of course no one liked hospitals, because mostly, they meant something bad, but the last time Sirius had been to a hospital, his mom had taken him. Sirius' dad had pushed him down the stairs and Sirius had broken his shoulder. Of course Sirius had to swear to tell he had fallen down the stairs after a fight with his younger brother Regulus. That was the only condition on which his mother would take him. Sirius being seven years old and very very afraid of what his father would do when he told anyone, had kept his mouth shut about it and had only told the doctors what he was meant to tell them. Sirius still hated himself for listening to what his parents wanted him to do like that. He had been their puppet and he supposed that hadn't changed, except that the strings where a bit more stretched out.

As Sirius' phone buzzed, he came out of his freezing state. He got his phone out of his back pocket and opened the text from James.

"Where are you?"

"Late. Going to skip first period, maybe the whole day, idk yet. See you later." Sirius shortly replied and then took his decision. He had come this far and he wasn't going to back out of this. This was the right thing to do. Sirius stepped forward and the doors of the hospital swung open. He really hoped the flowers didn't look too stupid, but he had also brought some chocolate to make it up. Sirius had never went to the hospital to visit anyone, but he knew out of movies this was what you got when someone was sick.

'Can I help you, sir?' The woman behind the counter asked friendly.

'I'm here to see… eh… Remus… Lupin… Remus Lupin,' Sirius said awkwardly. She smiled and nodded.

'He is on the sixth floor, room 15,' she said. Sirius nodded and thanked her before leaving for the elevator, since he wasn't planning on walking up six stairs. However, when he was in the elevator, he felt slightly uncomfortable. Everyone around him wasn't able to normally walk up the stairs. There was a young man in a wheeling chair and a small girl with crutches and there he was, perfectly healthy and taking the elevator because he was too lazy.

'I'm such a dick,' he murmured to himself as the doors opened to the sixth floor and he got out.

The only thing Sirius remembered from last time he was here, was the pain and the complex of this building. It had been a maze and since Sirius had had to stay for one night and had gotten lost on his way to the toilet, that wasn't a great thing to remember. He only hoped Remus' room wasn't that hard to find. Remus hadn't come to school yesterday. The image of him being taken out by the paramedics the day before had made Sirius afraid Remus was in real trouble. Though, he wasn't sure why he even cared about the boy's well being. At the end of the day, Sirius had decided to visit McGonagall in her office and ask about Remus. She seemed glad he did and told him Remus was alright, but still in the hospital, so tutor lessons would be canceled. Sirius had only nodded and was about to leave the room when McGonagall suggested he should go and visit Remus. Sirius had frowned and told her they weren't friends and left.

He wasn't completely sure why he was here now, anyways. Sirius sighed at the small board of room 15 and slowly opened it. It revealed a large room with several beds in it, only two of them taken. One by a brown haired girl and one by a sand haired boy, both fast asleep - or so he thought. Sirius swallowed and almost wanted to get out again, when the girl sat up.

'Are you Remus' friend?' she asked. Sirius spun around in chock and looked at the pale girl. After a few seconds, he nodded slowly, seeing there was no sense in calling himself the boy's tutor kid. That would be weird. Weirder. She grinned.

'Boyfriend or just a friend?' Sirius frowned.

'I'm definitely not his boyfriend,' Sirius said.

'Good, 'cause you are far too hot for him,' she winked.

'Ellianna…' A hoarse voice came from behind Sirius and Sirius turned around to see Remus sitting up straight and looking very very pale.

'Hee,' Sirius said carefully and walked up to his bed.

'Sirius? What are you doing here?' Sirius shrugged and put down the chocolate and the flowers awkwardly. He sat down on the empty chair next to Remus' bed.

'Just… ,' yeah what was he doing here? 'I wanted to check on you, after… you know.'

Remus smiled thankfully and looked at the chocolate Sirius had brought. He took it and opened it, Sirius just sat there quietly and watched.

'You are my hero for this,' Remus said. 'My mom always chocolate is bad for me, but chocolate is the best thing in my life. If it was legal, I would marry it.' Sirius couldn't help but snigger. He had never really talked to Remus about anything else except school and het certainly hadn't guessed Remus could actually be something else than a stiff nerd.

'Want some?' Remus asked, 'I never share my chocolate, but since you bought it and skipped school to bring it to me, I owe you.' Sirius flushed slightly when Remus said he skipped school.

'No thanks, you need it more than me.'

'I hope you aren't only skipping it because of the test you have today,' Remus said. Sirius grinned.

'No, but it was a pro to coming here.' Remus laughed but his laugh quickly changed in a cough and with that Sirius' smile changed into a worried frown.

'Don't look at me like that.'

'Like what?'

'Like I'm a pathetic, poor creature who can't help himself.'

'I wasn't loo-.' 'You were. Don't do it. I'm okay. This is normal.'

'You mean being taking away by the paramedics is normal?' Sirius frowned.

'Yes. No- well for me it is.' Sirius wasn't sure if it was alright to ask what was wrong with him, he felt like it wasn't his place. He turned around to find Ellianne? Ellianna? – that was what she was called right? – staring at the both of them. Sirius had already opened his mouth to make a snappy remark that she should mind her own business, but he bit his tongue just in time. Elliana however, did have something to say.

'Wait a minute, is this the boy you've been totally crushing on?'


	10. The things I'm keeping from you

**Note:** Finally not a cliffhanger haha, enjoy this new part. Tips are always very welcome! x

* * *

 **The things I'm keeping from you**

For a moment it's death silent and then Ellianna starts to laugh.

'It is?! Oh I'm so sorry I didn't-.' 'It isn't,' Remus interrupts her. Sirius looks at him, he is slightly red and he is under no circumstance looking at Sirius. Was he lying? Or did he just feel really awkward that Sirius had just found out Remus was very gay.

After another silence, Remus finally turned towards Remus.

'Since I told her I like boys, she is assuming I crush on every boy I talk to,' Remus explains and Ellianna makes a protesting noise, but Remus' stern look, cuts her off. Sirius can still see the flush in his neck and wonders if he looks the same.

'You like boys?' Sirius asks carefully.

'And girls,' Remus says, 'I don't really like labels, but I think you could say I'm bisexual.'

'Oh,' was the only thing Sirius could say. He thought for a moment and Remus watched him with a small smile. He didn't even seemed to be bothered by the question, while Sirius would probably have gone mad if someone had asked him and told him he was straight. Obviously.

'How did you… know?' Sirius asked softly. He was glad Ellianna had stopped listening to their conversation and was now playing a song on her iPod, lip-syncing the lyrics.

Remus shrugged and said: 'I guess I always knew and when I kissed a boy for the first time, it felt right as well. Not very different from girls.' Sirius thought back to his kiss with James. It had been different from girls. It wasn't the same, because it had felt better… more straight forward. Less touching, more kissing… snogging. Sirius swallowed. He had liked it more than with girls. There was nothing straight about that.

'Is everything alright?' Remus asked. Why did he keep asking that stupid question? Like it was any of his business, like Sirius wanted to talk about this? He didn't want to and he didn't need to. Remus just needed to fuck off. Everyone needed to fuck off.

'Yes. I got to go,' Sirius said, 'enjoy your chocolate and… get better soon and stuff.'

'Sirius! Wait!' but Sirius was already gone. He took the stairs this time, because he wouldn't be able to stand still. He just needed to get out of here. Get away from everything. By the time Sirius had reached the entrance of the hospital he felt the tears behind his eyes. Again. If there was anything Sirius hated, it was crying. He wasn't going to cry like a stupid baby again. He felt already like enough of an idiot; for coming here, for crying this weekend, for kissing James… for being a fag.

Sirius kicked hard against the bench, but the pain only made him more angry so he walked through with his hands in his pockets. He had gotten a bus to get here, but he decided walking would be better, just so he could avoid people or at least most of them.

'Hey, Sirius, wait up!' He heard a familiar voice and absolutely wasn't going to turn around. He might be out of weed and he needed some more, but he wouldn't get that from Cedric, not after what he had tried the other day.

'Sirius.' Cedric had caught up with him anyways and had grabbed Sirius arm, to turn him around.

'What?' Sirius snapped. Cedric raised an eyebrow.

'I just… wanted to apologize, you know… for Friday.'

'Aren't you supposed to be in school?'

'Aren't you?'

'I have a free period,' Sirius lied, looking straight in Cedric's face. Oh, what a good liar he was.

'Oh,' Cedric replied, 'well… me too, but… I am sorry man. I really thought you were… you know… like me.'

'Oh? And what is like you? A bloody faggot, eh?'

'Well you could all it like that,' Cedric frowned.

'Look, "man", I'm not gay and if I was, I wouldn't be into a junky like you, so get the fuck away from me.'

'Alright then, just when you need some more… you know, you can come to me and you should stop being so angry all the time.'

'I'M COMPLETELY CALM!' Sirius shouted. He broke free and slumped away, only to hear Cedric whisper: 'yeah, right.'

 **xxx**

'Sirius, we are not going to beat up first years, just because you feel like shit,' James said frowning.

'I don't feel like shit. I'm bored and those little shits are annoying.'

'If I want to impress Evans, I-.' 'Have to be boring?'

'No!' James said immediately, 'I'm not boring. Okay, fine, but we do a prank, no beating up. That has never been our style and you know that.' Sirius sighed, but agreed.

'We're pranksters, not bullies,' Peter said wisely.

'Shut up, Wormtail!'

'He's right, Padfoot. We are not bullies. We don't hurt other people because it makes us feel better, alright?'

'Yeah, alright,' Sirius mumbled. Already feeling a bit better because his best friend was there. Now he had a prank to look forward to, a light in this dark world that was consuming him almost completely.

'Good. Now who wants to test out the new stink bombs we got?'

'Lame,' Sirius said but he grinned.

'You love it,' James said. Sirius didn't say anything, but he pushed James in a playful way and laughed.

'Alright, Wormy, you got the last stack so you can choose were we are going to throw them.' Sirius could see Peter glow as James told him that. He never really made the decisions, but Sirius knew James was going easy on him because Sirius had been treating him so badly.

'Can we do Binns? He gave me a P on my last exam because apparently I had everything wrong, while I had the same answers as Sirius and Sirius had an A.'

'Mate, you were the one cheating, not me,' Sirius laughed.

'Yeah, well the brilliantly of some doesn't come just by doing nothing,' Peter muttered.

'Hey, I'm the one getting tutor lessons, not you,' Sirius pointed out. James rolled his eyes.

'Okay cry baby's, come one, lets go do it then.'

'Only because your parents can afford them and mine ca-.' 'Wormy, please shut up. Siri has been in a very bad mood lately and bringing you to the school doctor once a week is already more than enough.'


	11. Make me smile

**Note:** Here you go, another chapter and now I'm going on holiday to spain... enjoy the cliffhanger hehe xx

* * *

 **Make me smile**

'MR. BLACK! THAT'S TWO WEEKS DETENTION FOR YOU!' Sirius roared with laughter and pulled Peter away from behind the lockers to run for their lives. James joined them, but they didn't come far, because their way was blocked by a very mad looking professor McGonagall. The three boys came to an halt and Sirius and James exchanged a mischievous grin.

'Good day, professor. Looking dashing as always,' Sirius said.

'We had hoped to catch you, professor,' James added.

'We wanted to ask you something about our homework, professor,' Peter ended it.

'All three of you, my office, now.' The three of them sniggered and followed professor McGonagall the very well known way to her office. Sirius had known they were going to get in trouble for this. They hadn't been as careful as usual, but he didn't really mind. He had been laughing again and at this point he would do almost anything to laugh like that again.

Lily Evans passed them. She did give Sirius the usual sneer, but she almost smiled at James. Peter, she just ignored, as usual. Sirius looked at him astonished.

'What did you do? Brew a love potion?' Sirius whispered so that McGonagall – who was still walking in front of them – couldn't hear.

'No, we just talked,' James answered, looking like he had just won the lottery. 'You know? Last Friday night. We talked a lot and she told me I wasn't just as much of a dick as she thought I was.'

'Wow, I think she is going crazy,' Sirius said. James pushed him and laughed.

'She still didn't agree to go on a date with me, but she is going to, just wait for it.' Sirius laughed and shook his head.

'You are hopeless mate, really. I'm going to keep saying it. Though I think you should get a medal for getting her to hate you less.' James smiled proudly and at that moment they reached the office and their conversation was finished.

'A stink bomb?' McGonagall asked the three boys, 'do I have to remind you that you aren't in first grade anymore.'

'Ah come on, professor. Stink bombs will always great.'

'Just as great as the detention you get after, mr Black?' Sirius just grinned at James who also laughed. Peter shifted uncomfortably in his chair. He was less used to detention then Sirius or James, though he had gotten quite a few in his school years.

'I will give all three of you two weeks of detention, but this time it won't be just sitting in a classroom like usual. Since you spent so much time in detention, you can better make yourselves useful to this school, which means that you are going to help the janitors clean.'

All three of them exclaimed into a unison protest, but professor McGonagall hushed them and said her decision was final.

'I'll see you in my office at five and we'll start with professor Binn's classroom. You can go now.'

'I'm so dead,' Peter complained as the boys left the office. Sirius just shrugged.

'Ah, think of it this way; we get to spent more time with our beloved mistress.'

'You mean that fat janitor? No thanks mate, but I think I'll pass,' James grinned and laughing all together they walked towards their next class.

 **xxx**

'So, you are all fine again?'

'Yes, don't worry.'

'I'm not worrying about anything.'

'Oh, okay.'

Sirius scowled and bowed forwards to write the answer to question three of his Math networks. He had gotten a lecture again for getting another F on his test. No hitting this time, but there had been a lot of cursing and whilst Sirius pretended not to care, it did hurt a bit.

'Are you?' Remus asked. Sirius looked up at him, startled for a moment, wondering where the other boy was talking about.

'Am I what?'

'Okay.'

'Yes I am. You keep asking that, but I'm fine.'

'You seem angry.'

'Well I'm not, now shut up and let me work,' Sirius hissed.

'It's… you are making a mistake in you calculations, here let me-.' 'I don't need your help! I'm not stupid, like I said, I just have some troubles concentrating, okay?'

'Sirius, it's okay to be upset about your family.' Sirius looked up at Remus.

'What? How do you… I'm not-,' Sirius stuttered. How on earth could Remus know about what was going on with his family? He had been able to keep this from James all this time.

'They are just worried about your grades, that's all. I sort of overheard professor McGonagall talk to your father on the phone, but I'm sure he just wants you to pass your exams and be able to study. I know parents can be pretty hard on kids sometimes, my dad also-.' 'Does your dad hit you when you don't get straight A's? Didn't think so, now can you please help me because I don't get how this works.'

Remus stared at him for a few seconds, but was smart enough to realize Sirius wasn't going to say any more about it. Sirius felt his hands shake and tried to hide it, by putting his hands in his pockets and slumping down on his chair. Remus ignored his gaze and shifted next to Sirius and began to explain the question slowly, but Sirius was too distracted to pay any attention to what the other boy said.

Suddenly Sirius felt a hand on his arm. A shiver went through his entire body and he looked at Remus.

'I know you are worried about it, but I won't tell anyone,' Remus said softly. Their faces were only a few inches apart and Sirius knew he had to back away, but he didn't want to.

'Stop trying to guess what I think,' Sirius said.

'But I'm right?' Sirius was silent for a few moments and then nodded.

'Do you want to fini-.' The sand haired boy was silenced by two lips on his and in an awe of surprise he parted his mouth.


	12. I kissed a boy, and I liked it?

**Note:** Hey hey, I'm back! I hope you enjoy (: Let me know what you think of it x

* * *

 **I kissed a boy, and I liked it?**

'Padfoot? Pads? Paddy? Sir? Siri? Bitch. Slut. Dickface? SIRIUS?!'

'Huh? What?' James let out a very deep dramatic sigh and looked at his best friend.

'Do you want to go out tonight? AND STOP STARING AT LUPIN'S BUTT.'

'I'm not staring at his-.' The sand haired boy turned around and met Sirius' eye. Sirius swallowed hard and felt his cheeks get hot. Remus just smiled vaguely and turned back around to continue his homework.

'Okay that looked a lot like you were just blushing,' James whispered.

'I didn't.' Sirius hid his face in his arms and James grinned.

'Look if you just want to drool over Lupin, that's fine but at least give me an answer to this very important question. After that I'll go back to annoying Pete and you can go back to crushing on Loopy.'

'Yes sure,' Sirius muttered as an answer to James previously asked question. 'And I'm not crushing on him,' Sirius snapped, 'he is a boy.'

'No shit Sherlock, but what does it matter? Love is love, right?'

'Just shut up, Potter.'

'If you remember that I wouldn't care if you liked boys or if you secretly were an elephant. It would change nothing. Though maybe the elephant thing might, but I'm sure we can figure that out.' I didn't dare to look at James, but his words did make me feel a bit better.

'Thanks but I'm not gay... or an elephant. When did you want to go out?'

'Tonight. You think you can come to me after tutor lessons?' Sirius nodded, glad James had dropped the subject... for now.

'Yeah, sure.'

'Aight, cool,' and with that James Potter went back to throwing little notes at Lily Evans. Sirius tried to focus on his homework but got distracted by something or rather someone else. Before Sirius could stop himself, he dreamed away for the millionth time. Back to the boys' last meeting.

 **xxx**

 _The kiss only lasted a few seconds but it was the best Sirius had ever felt kissing someone. They looked at each other, their noses almost touching and both breathing heavily. Sirius was about to say something but words failed him and he shut his mouth again. He hadn't planned for this to happen and it sort of freaked him out when he thought about what he had just actually done, but when he just remembered the soft touch of Remus' lips against his, he felt perfect._

 _'Are you okay?' Remus' soft voice surprised Sirius and brought him back to reality, but he didn't back away._

 _'You should really stop asking that.' Both boys sniggered nervously and Remus pecked Sirius lips. Sirius stiffened and looked at Remus, feeling nervous and almst scared about what was going to happen next._

 _'Are you?'_

 _Sirius nodded quickly, but added a bit less confident: 'I think.'_

 _'I know you are scared, but it will be fine.' Somehow that set Sirius off. He got up and knocked over the chair._

 _'No. No it won't. I can't be gay. I need to be perfect.' Sirius gathered his stuff and left the room. It was almost getting a routine; Sirius fleeing out of the room, leaving Remus behind, but Sirius hadn't yet been this upset and confused as he had been before, leaving. Remus called after Sirius but Sirius ignored him and made his way out of the school as quick as possible, just to find a very drunk and very angry father awaiting him._

 **xxx**

Sirius rubbed his ribs, they had gone completely yellowish greenish now, but they still hurt like hell and it didn't make his football training any less hard. Luckily no one had noticed, especially not James, who would know what had happened immediately. He thought Remus might have noticed, but he wasn't sure. What he was sure about was that he was very very nervous for today's tutor lessons and that he felt sick seeing it was almost time to go to the private study room and confront Remus about what had happened Wednesday between them. Sirius also knew that he much rather died than do that.

Sirius shuffled uncomfortable with his feet as he entered the spare room later that day. He felt unbelievably stupid, like a teenager in love. Sirius was of course a teenager in love, only he felt like he wasn't, because love absolutely wasn't for him, he didn't do that stuff.

'Hello,' Remus said softly, he seemed as nervous as Sirius felt.

'Hey,' Sirius murmured. Sirius sat down in front of Remus and spent five minutes arranging his books on the desk, just to avoid a conversation.  
'I think we should talk,' Remus said carefully, like he knew Sirius was about to snap.

'Hmhm,' Sirius murmured, still avoiding Remus' eye.

'We kissed,' Remus stated. Finally Sirius gathered his courage and looked up.

'I'm aware of that, yes.'

'Did you ehm… like it?' Sirius frowned and Remus got extremely red. Sirius wanted to laugh but he decided to spare the boy.

'It was good,' Sirius admitted, 'great, actually.' Sirius shuffled on his place and looked at his hands. 'I think I might be…gay.' The last word was barely a whisper. Sirius had put a lot of thought in it and knew there wasn't a way back. He liked boys and he wasn't going to change that, the only thing he could do was deal with it. Though he had no idea how the fuck he was going to do that. Remus thought about that for a moment and then nodded.

'I think you shouldn't label yourself that soon and for the record; I thought it was great too,' Remus said softly, 'but what now?'

'Yeah, what now.' Again, there was a long silence in which the two boys got lost in their own thoughts, though the atmosphere between them was much more relaxed than before.

'Well, we could ehm go on a date?' Sirius announced. Remus smiled and nodded.

'If you are comfortable with that, I would love that.'

'Great. So, history?'

'Yeah, right. History,' Remus agreed. Sirius wasn't sure what to make of this whole situation. Did he really ask Remus Lupin on a date? Gee, he did make things very hard for himself. Sirius swallowed and decided he would just give it a try and if it didn't work out… well that would be too bad. Though he wasn't sure he could life with it not working out, because one way or another he felt like the one was sitting right in front of him. He couldn't explain how he felt like that, but he did and it made him extremely happy, but also extremely scared at the same time. You are so fucked up. He thought to himself and then gave a shot at concentrating on the French Revolution.


	13. And so I ran

**Note:** Hey, ehm so I've been pretty sick for the past week/two weeks so that's the reason this one is a little bit late, sorry guys.. hope you enjoy it anyways! x

* * *

 **And so I ran**

'What is this?' Sirius looked up at his father. He had been wanting to head straight to his room, but his dad has been waiting for him to get home. As he talked Sirius could smell the sweet prickling sense in his breath. He had been drinking and probably quite a lot. For a second Sirius wondered if there had been a fight between his parents again, because mostly that caused his father's behavior around alcohol. However Sirius didn't have much time to think.

'Hm? Answer me son.' Sirius looked at the letter his dad was holding up. He had gotten another F… shit.

'That's not ehm… not what you think it is,' Sirius stuttered. He wrapped his hand a little more tight around his bag and swallowed. He was in so much trouble.

'Not? Because what I see here is another failure,' his father snarled, coming so close that Sirius had to step backwards and felt the handle of the door pricking in his back. The alcoholic breath of his father made feel him a bit faint and he tried not to look as scared as he felt.

'I'm sorry,' Sirius tried, normally Sirius was the rebel, but not this time. Sirius didn't want to be beaten up, he wasn't that stupid.

'You are? Really?' his father sneered. He made a crop out of the letter and threw it away. 'Listen to me – son,' he spitted out the last word and Sirius could feel drops of saliva on his cheek. Gross. 'Listen to me, very carefully. You. Are. A. Failure. We have to look good as an old Black family and you screw that up!' he shouted. Sirius flinched, but he couldn't escape since his father has grabbed his shirt and pushed him hard against the door. It now felt like he was being pierced by the door handle, rather than being pricked in the back. Sirius tried to fight his way out of his father's grip, but he wasn't as strong as his father, even with him being drunk.

'P-Please,' Sirius tried, but that got him his first fist against his face. He moaned painfully and tried to shake the dizziness he was taken with. His dad was aiming for his face, that certainly wasn't a good sign.

'Dad?' he heard a voice behind them.

'Regulus, go to your room!'

'Regs,' Sirius said, his face was already covered with the blood that was streaming from his nose. He gave Regulus a begging look, but he knew it would do no good. Regulus was too much of a "good son" to try and help in. Again, Sirius would have to fight this alone.

'Regulus, upstairs. Now,' their father demanded.

'Yes, father,' Regulus said. The black haired boy looked at Sirius and for a moment Sirius could see pity, but then he turned around and rushed upstairs, fleeing like a coward. Yet again, Sirius was left alone with his father, who now was in an even worse mood than he had been in before.

'We pay for a tutor, we do everything for you and you just FUCK it up!' Another fist, this time his ribs were the victim. Sirius gasped for air and tried to fight back the tears that wanted to escape him.

'You know what else I heard?' he asked Sirius. Sirius couldn't answer so he just shook his head. 'My oldest son, kissing some dude in the park. Hm? What is that about?' Sirius felt himself grow pale. Cedric.

'H-He kissed me,' Sirius gasped.

'And I'm sure you liked it, didn't you? Faggot.' His father's fist collided with his jaw this time and Sirius would have been knocked to the ground if he had any space left.

'N-No, I'm no-,' but his father cut him off.

'I don't care if you like to fuck boys, but keep that to yourself. You need to marry someone we find suitable and you know that. If I EVER hear something like that again, you're dead. Understood?' Sirius didn't respond, he felt like he was going to puke.

'UNDERSTOOD?'

'Y-Yes.'

'Yes, what?'

'Yes, father.'

The man grabbed Sirius hair and dragged him towards the stairs.

'Up. I don't want to hear a sound.' Sirius didn't have to be told twice. He ran upstairs and smashed a vase on his way. Now he was less angry, he felt anger come to him. He hated that man. Sirius slammed the door close and threw his books out of his bag, then began filling it with stuff he needed. His laptop, his phone, some pictures of him and James, some clothes, that was pretty much all he needed. He already heard his father come upstairs, but he didn't care anymore. He needed to get out of here.

'Where do you think you're going?' his father bellowed as Sirius came walking out, swinging his backpack over his shoulder.

'Away,' Sirius said. His father growled, almost animal like and pushed him hard against Regulus' door. Sirius now had room to fight back and pushed his dad away from him, after which he saw a chance and stormed down the stairs.

'YOU. COME. BACK. RIGHT. NOW!' but when his dad tried to follow him, he slipped and fell down the stairs, right on his drunk ass.

'Go FUCK yourself,' Sirius shouted. He slammed the front door behind him as he left and didn't stop running until he was far away from his house and had gotten James' house in sight. He knew he looked like total and complete shit, but he didn't care. He could never go back there.

Roughly he wiped away his tears as he stepped on the Potter's front porch and rang the doorbell.

'James, darling, can you open the door please?'

'Mom, I don't want to miss th-.'

'James, listen to your mother.' He couldn't hear James' respond, but Sirius was pretty sure it had included some curse words. He heard James slump to the front door and unlock it. His annoyed expression disappeared immediately, however, when he saw Sirius.

'Sirius…? What happened?' And that's when Sirius Black started crying uncontrollably, like he had never done before and James just held him, too stunned to say anything about this unusual appearance of his best friend.


	14. Suspicions

**Note:** it has been a long while, but enjoy!

* * *

 **Suspicions**

Sirius woke up in the middle of the night. He didn't recognize the room where he was in in an instant, but after a while it became clear to him he was in the Potter's house and not at home. Something he was rather happy about.

The black haired boy swung his legs over the edge of the bed and set his naked feet down on the cold ground after which he shivered. James' mother had cleaned the blood of his face but it didn't got rid of the bruises. Sirius almost fell from the stairs when he saw himself in the reflection of one of the Potter's picture frames. He looked like total and utter shit.

Very softly Sirius crept down the stairs. He had woken up with great thirst and wanted to do something about that. Sirius assumed he was the only one awake at this moment, but when he opened the kitchen door, the three guys in the kitchen assumed otherwise. He felt two arms being flung around him and moaned a bit painful because he felt his ribs struggle against the boney arms.

'Gosh Sirius, I was so worried about you,' he heard the voice of his tutor.

'Remus?' Sirius mumbled, 'what are you doing here?'

'James called me, he told me what happened,' Remus whispered. Sirius pulled back and looked at James.

'Why did you tell him? I-I….' Sirius stared at them and backed further away.

'Relax mate, I just thought he could help, since you two have been spending a lot of time together and you seem relaxed around him,' James explained. Sirius swallowed. He was so confused right now. Confused by the pain, but also confused by what happened. His walls were falling downs. These secret where supposed to stay inside and not come out. Did James know? Had Remus told him? Sirius looked a little afraid at Remus who now had his hands hanging next to his body.

'Sirius… are you alright?' James asked. Sirius bit his lip. Of course Sirius wasn't alright. He had just endured being literary kicked out of his own house by his father and now his best friend was probably aware of the fact that Sirius was fucking his tutor… well not fucking but dating. Pretty much the same thing. You get what I mean.

'I should go,' Sirius murmured. He didn't even know if he could go anywhere, but he couldn't stay here. If James was going to find out, he didn't want to be there. He wouldn't be able to handle his best friend looking at him like he was something disgusting, because he was pretty sure that was what was going to happen if he found out.

'No, Sirius you are staying here,' both Remus and James said at the same time, only both a slightly different version. Sirius shook his head and started walking out of the kitchen, only to be hold back by James.

'You need to rest, Sirius,' James whispered, 'you look like crap mate. No offense but you need some rest.' Sirius wanted to disagree, but Remus opened his mouth as well.

'Please, Sirius? Just try to sleep a little, okay?'

'I just woke up. I'm not sick.'

'At least lay down a little, okay? You look extremely pale, I don't want you to pass out again,' James said. Sirius stared at his friend's hand around his own arm and bit his lip. He knew he was never going to win this fight. First; if James were to use physical action, Sirius wouldn't stand a chance. He would never admit this out loud, but James, with his super sporty body, was much stronger. And second; he knew he looked like shit and had to lay down. He knew they were right. A deep sigh left his mouth and eventually he nodded.

'Okay,' Sirius mumbled. 'Fine. I'll lay down. He pulled out of James' grip and let himself fall on the couch, turning his back to James and Remus and closing his eyes shut. He could hear two soft voices discus something, but Sirius decided not to listen to them and only started focusing again when he heard the door close, announcing one of the two leaving.

'Sirius?' instead of the low voice from his best friend, he had expected, he heard Remus' soft voice. Sirius felt his muscles relax immediately and bit his lip, but didn't answer.

'I know you probably don't want to me right now, or anyone for that matter, but just know that we are here for you, okay?' He felt Remus' hand on his shoulder and shivered at his soft touch.

'Everything is going to be okay,' he whispered, 'and if you want to talk to me… you can. Or just… cry… or get a hug,' Remus mumbled. 'Promise me, you will?' Sirius opened his eyes a little and turned around so he could look Remus in the eye and then nodded slowly.

'Okay,' he whispered. A smile crept onto Remus' face and Sirius was sure he would have done anything to see that face and that smile again. Slowly, Remus closed the distance between them and for a few seconds, Sirius could feel his soft lips on his. Remus' lips tasted sweet and had a very calming effect on Sirius' mind and body. It was like Remus kissed away his worries, but it didn't last for long. Though Sirius felt a lot better when Remus pulled back after a few seconds. His long, pale fingers stroke through Sirius' hair and Sirius closed his eyes again, smiling a little. The pain from the different bruises on his body seemed to disappear and very slowly, Sirius dozed of, leaving Remus behind who stayed right on that spot until the black haired boy woke up again, some hours later.


	15. Bright lights in the dark

**Note:** Happy new year fluff yay! c:

* * *

 **Bright lights in the dark**

It had been a week since Sirius ran away from home. Since then he had been welcome to stay at the Potter's house and he was very grateful for that. They treated like he was a second son to them and for once in his life, Sirius felt like he had a home to come back to. He had no idea what he could do to thank James and his parents so he just kept on doing stuff around home. Cooking dinner, cleaning up the whole house, buying chocolates for Mrs Potter and helping Mr Potter in his working shop. At school it was just the same as always. Peter and James agreed on all the pranks Sirius suggested, maybe also to keep him occupied and stop him from thinking too much. It worked. Sirius was the school pranker again and no one had found out anything about Remus and him. He guessed he could be happy like this again.

'Christmas prom,' Peter said, 'the theme is winter wonderland and you can now start voting for your king and queen.' He looked around at Sirius and James who where fighting over the last piece of chocolate from the chocolate bar they had gotten. Eventually when James got it and ate it and Sirius had slapped him hard in the face for that, they finally had attention for Peter.

'Christmas prom?' James laughed, 'I'm not doing that. Definitely no-. He fell silent as he had spotted someone coming onto the football field where they were sitting. 'I'm going with Evans.'

Sirius barked out a laugh and Peter joined in while James kept staring at the girl and if Sirius hadn't slapped him again, he probably would have drooled all over himself.  
'We're getting on really well now,' James said.

'Oh come on, you spend one drunk night. She was drunk. You were drunk.'

'We had a click alright, Padfoot? I know it. It's true love.'

'True love my ass. You remember how asking her to the Halloween prom went? You came back with yoghurt all over yourself. It looked like you had been jerking off and never cleaned yourself up.'

'It did NOT! And now it's different! I'm sure she will go with me!'

'Wormtail, back me up here.'

'Ehm,' Peter stumbled and looked at both guys. Everyone knew he'd always had a weak spot for Sirius and would probably choose his side whenever asked him to choose. Sirius knew this too and he liked to use it as an advantage. 'I t-think Sirius is right, Prongs,' he said softly and looked at Lily Evans as well. Who was skipping around the field with her two best friends. 'You can always try of course,' he quickly said when James gave him a deadly glance. Sirius snorted but kept his mouth shut and he looked at James while he raise up and walked onto the field, looking almost like a stag, showing off his huge antlers. Only James didn't have antlers and he wasn't a stag. He just had way to much confidence and a bunch of messy black hair on his head.

'Evans! Lily! Wait up!' James tried to look as possible but Sirius and Peter where already laughing their asses off. They saw how Lily Evans spun around and looked at James while he started talking.

'I bet you five pound she's going to say no,' Sirius smirked at Peter.

'Alright, I think he might have a chance,' Peter responded and Sirius grinned even more and looked back at James and Lily. After a while James came running back with a huge grin on his face and he almost screamed out in excitement.

'SHE SAID YES! SHE SAID SHE'LL GO WITH ME!' Sirius' mouth fell open and he looked at Peter who laughed back.

'Five pounds please?' he chuckled, almost inaudible because James was half screaming through it. Sirius checked his watch and then quickly got up.

'Later. I have to go to Re- tutor thing, you know,' Sirius said and he gave James a push so he tumbled over unto the field before he jogged away, followed by Peter's laugh and James' curse words. Sirius rushed into the little classroom and saw how Remus looked up from his books. Sirius hair was all over the place and he looked like a hot mess. Remus smiled up at him and Sirius smiled back.

'Hey,' Sirius said and he took a seat in front of the boy. Remus flushed slightly at the look of him and that satisfied Sirius, because it meant he had the same effect on Remus as Remus had on him.

'Hello, Sirius,' Remus spoke, 'how are you?' Sirius ignored the slightly worried tone in his voice. He knew Remus wanted to know how he was about the whole running away thing. The truth was that Sirius was actually relieved he did it. Too long he had been stuck there and now he was finally free from that. He felt less sorry than he should have felt by leaving his family. He had found a new family, one who actually cared about him as a person.

'I'm good, Remus, stop worrying, alright?' Sirius smiled weakly and Remus didn't really seem to believe it, but nodded anyways. 'Can I steal a kiss?' Sirius asked then, softly. Remus chuckled and nodded. Sirius leaned over the table and softly pressed his lips on Remus' but before Remus could properly kiss him back, Sirius pulled back.

'Did you hear that?' Sirius asked and looked around quickly. Remus looked at him, slightly confused.

'Hear what?' he asked and followed Sirius' gaze.

'Nothing… I thought I heard someone… I don't know,' Sirius mumbled, 'it was nothing, probably.' Remus nodded and they decided to start on history while their feet where touching under the table and their hands sometimes brushed softly, before their eyes met. When Sirius had to go, Remus quickly pecked his lips and both boys blushed slightly. Sirius didn't know what was going on between the two of them, but he knew it felt perfect and he didn't want it to stop. He figured he might be in love and he didn't hate himself for it and that was a very big step in the right direction.


	16. Stinging Thorns

**Note:** Enjoy the new chap! Poor Pads :c

* * *

 **Stinging thorns**

'Sirius! Sirius wait up!' Sirius spun around and smiled when he saw the boy approaching. He waited on the spot until Remus was able to catch up with him. Sirius almost wanted to lean over and kiss him, until he realized he was in a hall filled with people and that he couldn't. For a moment he felt disappointment. Maybe he wanted to come out with Remus, just to be albe to do things like these, but Sirius knew that wasn't an option. The fact that he had accepted who he was and Remus did, didn't mean other people did. He had seen how some people treated the guy who had come out last year. He was gone before the end of the school year and that wasn't going to happen to Sirius. It couldn't.

'Hee, how are you?' Sirius said while he started walking again, Remus next to him. There shoulders brushed for a second and he could see how Remus' cheeks flushed a little. Something that happened every time Sirius touched him. Something that Sirius thought was adorably cute.

'I'm okay, what about you?' Remus said. He had a bunch of books in his arms and pressed them close to his chest. Sirius shrugged a bit as an answer and smiled. He wasn't really focused on giving an answer, more on seeing the boy. Sirius liked to look at the details on his face. The small freckles, the dimples, the shape of his nose, his eyes, his lips. Remus Lupin's perfectness was even visible in the smallest details.

'Hold on,' Sirius mumbled when he noticed Remus had a bit of chocolate paste on his cheek. He stopped in the middle of the hallway and cupped Remus' face, carefully wiping away the chocolate. The sand haired boy stared at him, his lips a little bit parted. 'You have no idea what you do to me, when you look like that, do you?' Sirius mumbled softly before he stepped away and started walking again. Remus caught up to him.

'What do you mean?' he asked and frowned a little bit. Sirius laughs softly and shook his head which made his dark, long hair go everywhere.

'Never mind, Moony,' Sirius said.

'Moony?' Remus knitted his eyebrows together and looked at the other boy.

'Oh yeah, since you're now hanging out with us, James, Peter and I decided you should have a nickname also and since you are as pale as the moon, Moony sounded suiting.'

'I'm not sure if I should be flattered that I belong to your little gang now-.' 'The Marauders.' 'The… Marauders? Right or if I should be mad because you just basically called me a vampire.' Sirius laughed again and rolled his eyes, enjoying Remus' laugh who sounded a little while later.

'Anyways,' Remus started after he had checked his watch. 'I need to go to class soon, but I wanted to ask you something.' Sirius looked up at him and nodded as a sign he was listening. 'Well,' Remus started. He quickly looked around as he was afraid anyone was listening. 'Ehm… there is this prom thing coming up.

'Christmas prom?'

'Yes that and well…,' Remus got something out of his pocket and took Sirius' hand, placing something in it. Sirius looked around quickly as well and then slowly opened his hand. He looked stunned at Remus as there was laying a beautiful red, rose on his hand. 'I was… wondering if you would like to go with me,' Remus whispered, 'it can be a friend date of course, for everyone else but… I've never had a date to a thing like this and you know,' Remus mumbled and blushed a bit. Sirius leaned forward and very quickly kissed his cheek so that no one could see.

'I would love to be your date,' he smiled and took Remus' hand, carefully squeezing it. 'See you later Moony,' he said before letting go of his hand and walking away.

'Later… Padfoot,' Remus said. Sirius grinned and put the rose away on a safe spot in his bag, before walking to his class and taking place behind Peter and James. James frowned at him.

'What's gotten into you, Padfoot? Did you see Snivellus die?' Snivellus was their "enemy" or as so they called it. He was a long, sleazy boy with black, greasy hair. His name was Severus Snape but Sirius and James always called him Snivellus, to tease him. He was the ex best friend of Lily Evans, something that made James even hate him more and he had been the victim of most of their pranks for the last years. If there was one thing Sirius enjoyed more than blowing up a classroom, it was embarrassing Severus Snape in front of the whole school and making him feel as miserable as possible and until now. They had done a pretty good job of that.

'No, a dead Snivellus wouldn't make me smile. I would miss him, because then we'd have to find a new victim for our pranks,' Sirius grinned.

'Awh, Sirius are you in love with him? It's that it?' James grinned back and Peter laughed.

'Of course, hey Snivellus!' A long, pale figure turned around and looked at Sirius with his eyes squeezed to small, angry splits. 'Did I ever tell you how much I loved you?'

'Piss off Black!' Severus growled before turning around again. Sirius laughed hard but got kinda annoyed when Severus seemed too busy with other stuff then getting mad at Sirius for making fun of him. Together with his other little friends, they were bowing over one of their phones and apparently the thing on there was more interesting than Sirius Black.

'You aren't watching porn, are you, Snivellus. Because I'm not sure that will wo-.' 'BLACK.' 'Sorry, madam.' Sirius turned around again and James laughed softly. The class started and Sirius spent about half of it, planning a new prank and the rest of it, staring out of the window and waiting until the bell would ring. It was only at the end of the class, that a guy from the football team got up and cornered him, holding up his phone which showed a very clear picture of Sirius kissing Remus. Sirius fell his heart sank into his shoes and looked at the boy.

'Are you taking your boyfriend to this Christmas Prom, fag?' He said before spitting right in Sirius face.


	17. Clashing teeth

**Note:** Enjoy (:

* * *

 **Clashing teeth**

The next week was a hell. Sirius had been skipping the first three days, but after a while he just had to go to school. He had avoided James, Peter and even Remus. Every night he stayed out until late and only came back when James was sleeping. No one had figured out yet that the boy, Sirius was kissing, was Remus. Or well, they hadn't figured that out yet. The picture seemed to appear everywhere. It was like it was world news. Sirius Black; one of the most populair kids at this school was gay.  
Sirius pulled up his hoodie so his face was barely visible and made his way through the hallways, trying to ignore all the stares. He froze when he heard a voice behind him.  
'Black! Sirius… wait up.' He turned around and gave Cedric a deadly glance.  
'What do you want?'  
'I… I thought it might help you, but I overheard some of the guys talking and eh… apparently… that picture… Severus Snape made it. You know? The black haired guy… I thought… you wanted to know.' Sirius cursed and looked at Cedric. He wasn't sure if this was to make Sirius only more angry or if Cedric was really trying to help him. Right now Sirius didn't care, actually, he just wanted to slam in Severus' face.  
'Thanks,' Sirius growled. He pushed Cedric away and walked back. He was dead. Severus Snape was so fucking dead. Sirius slammed open the door and looked around over the schoolyard. Where was the little snob? It didn't took Sirius long before he had found the black haired guy. He stormed towards Severus and pushed him hard against the wall, grabbing his collar. He was about to punch him hard in the face when he got pushed away.  
'Padfoot. Inside.' He heard James' voice and he got dragged back in. James was lucky he was a lot strong than Sirius because he had to put in all his strength to drag a very angry Sirius Black into the men's restrooms.  
'I NEED TO BEAT HIM UP, THAT FUCKER SPR-.' Before he could finish, James stuffed a big dot of toilet paper in his mouth. Sirius stared at him and tried to spit it out. At that moment, Peter joined them and helped James, holding Sirius against the wall.  
'Look Padfoot, we're not here to judge you or anything, so please try to calm down a bit,' James sighed and looked him in the eyes. Sirius wanted to struggle against him but eventually gave up and spitted the toilet paper out. He avoided their gazes and leaned against the sink.  
'Are you okay?' Peter asked carefully.  
'We're worried,' James added and crossed his arms, looking at Sirius.  
'I'm fine, I really don't feel like talking about it.'  
'You're not,' James sighed. 'We don't give a fuck that you are gay, Sirius. Hell, you could have been attracted to elephants and I would still love you as my best bro. The only thing you can't be is Lilysexual, but you know that.' Sirius laughed softly, even though he didn't feel like laughing at all. He looked up at them and bit his lip.  
'Really?' He asked.  
'Of course. What did you think? That we were going to hate you? Come on Pads, we don't life in the bloody middle ages, being gay isn't a bad thing anymore. We won't hang you.'  
'Well the whole school is kind of calling him a fag,' Peter whispered. James gave Peter a deadly glance.  
'Not helping Wormy,' he snarled. Peter swallowed and looked down.  
'Sorry,' he whispered. Sirius shook his head and took his bag from the ground.  
'Right,' he mumbled. 'That's what I mean. I'll talk to you later.' He said and pushed himself past Peter and James and walked out. He passed Lily who walked over to James.  
'Still bad?' He heard her say.  
'I don't know what to do anymore,' James sighed.  
'Just let him steam for a bit,' Lily sighed before Sirius couldn't hear them anymore. He pulled his hoodie back up and started walking a little faster, feeling miserable. Friday was prom and Sirius had promised to go with Remus, but he wasn't so sure anymore. He couldn't disappoint Remus, but if he showed up with him, everyone would think, Remus was Sirius boyfriend. He didn't want to pull Remus into this all, so he just avoided him. This hurt Sirius more than the whole thing with the picture, because he really liked Remus and now that secret was out and everything was messed up. Sirius was about to storm out of the school when someone pulled him into an empty classroom.  
'James st- oh.' Sirius stared at Remus. Remus looked pretty bad. He was pale again and had a shawl wrapped around his throat. Het looked sick and weak, but also really, really worried. Sirius was scared he would get screamed at for as far as Remus could scream or that Remus would start crying, but instead of that, Remus pulled him in a tight hug. Sirius was stunned, but felt all his muscles relax at the touch of the sand haired boy. Sirius wrapped his arms around Remus and hid his face in Remus' neck. He closed his eyes and held him as tight as possible while he felt thin fingers stroke his back and heard the boy telling him everything would be okay. For a moment, Sirius couldn't help it any longer. He had fought so hard against the tears and now he was safe and sound in Remus' arms, the tears burned behind his eyes. As soon as he felt Remus' hands stroke through his hair and his soft lips on his cheek, the wall collapsed. It started with some tears in the corner of his eyes but within a few seconds, Sirius had broken down in heartbreaking sobs. It didn't seem to scare Remus off, the opposite even, it seemed as if Remus had hoped for this and he kept holding on tight to Sirius.  
'It's going to be alright, Sirius,' he whispered softly. 'I'm here. It's going to be okay. I love you.' Even through all the tears, Sirius could hear the three words and felt his heart starting to beat faster. While sobbing hard, he whispered the three words back and in a mess of tears and sobs, their lips collided and their bodies clashed together.


	18. Long live the queen

**Note:** Enjoy the new chap! Poor Pads... again :c

* * *

 **Long live the queen**

Sirius looked at himself in the mirror. He brushed over his black suit and put the rose on his chest good. He looked quite handsome. He stroke through his hair and stood a little straighter, smiling at himself with his bright white teeth.

'Sirius, James! Remus is here!' Mrs. Potter shouted upstairs. Sirius felt his heart skip a beat and spun around. He took his jacket and checked his hair one last time in the mirror before rushing downstairs. His hands were clammy and he was kind of nervous. No one knew about Remus and him yet. He just told James and Peter that Remus was going to join them. Friend date, nothing more. They seemed to believe that, Lily however, didn't. She constantly gave Sirius these glances and he knew what she meant but he figured that if he'd ignore her, she'd stop. She didn't seem to mind though, she once came up to him when he was sorta checking out Remus' butt and told him he should stop staring before anyone else saw, but she told me Sirius should ask him out. She obviously didn't know that there was more going on then only crushing on a guy, the guy liked him back, which made his heart go crazy every time he thought about it.

James followed Sirius downstairs, at precisely that moment, the doorbell rang. It was Lily; speaking of the devil. Peter was already here, he arrived a few minutes before Remus and Remus was there too, standing there in the middle of the room and looking like a downright angel. Sirius held in his breath for a moment as he turned around, slowly and a bit clumsy. His cheeks were flushed and he had his long, pale fingers wrapped around his sleeve, where he tugged at nervously. For a moment time seemed to stop and Sirius just looked at the perfect creature that was standing in front of him. His lips parted a bit but before he could say something, which probably would have been something really stupid, James breaks the moment. He was glad for it, but he also wanted to strangle him for it.

'Hey Pads.'

'Hey Moony,' he whispered and smiled weakly. 'Nice suit.'

'Thanks, it was my dad's,' he said and flushed a little more.

'Hey Peter. Hey Sirius. How are you? Great but can you stop drooling?' Peter spoke in an annoying tone and Sirius gave him a deadly glance.

'Sup Wormy.' James wrapped one arm around Sirius' shoulders and had the other one wrapped around Lily's waist. She looked absolutely stunning and Sirius was proud of James for finally having succeeded this. Oh how he hoped he could do that with Remus. One day. The day would come. It just wouldn't be today.

 **xxx**

Sirius looked over the dancing proud and sighed softly. Remus was chatting with Peter about something that had lost his interest a long time ago and James had taken Lily on to the dance floor. He absolutely sucked at dancing, but at least he seemed to enjoy it. Sirius leaned against the wall and closed his eyes for a second. He used to be the most popular guy of school, the guy every girl wanted to date and every boy wanted to be. Now that everyone figured out he'd rather not dated the girls, but preferred the boys, he had become the target of all jokes. Sirius felt embarrassed and very uncomfortable. It felt like being back at his parents' place. It felt like everyone here liked having him here so they could talk about him. Though he was sure that also happened when he was away.

'Don't look so pouty,' Sirius suddenly heard and looked up from his thoughts. Remus was standing in front of him. Apparently, Peter had left him to go dance with some girl. Peter who got asked to dance by a girl. That's new.

'Sorry,' he mumbled and pushed himself up from the wall to walk over to the drinks and pour himself a very much alcohol free punch. Remus looked at him and Sirius could see the worry in his eyes. Sirius ignored it, he didn't felt like discussing his feelings right now, not with Remus, not with anyone. Remus sighed and bit his lip, softly touched his hand for a few seconds. It was all he could do right now and they both knew it, but it was enough. His small touch cheered Sirius up a little. His touch always made him feel better. It made him feel safe and loved. He looked at him and smiled weakly. Sirius opened his mouth to say thank you but the sound that left his mouth was blown away by someone entering the stage and silencing the crowd. It was ready to pronounce the prom king and queen.

A deep sigh rolled over Sirius' lips. He had been prom king once and it was boring as hell. He loved standing in the spotlight but this was just a stupid. He wasn't surprised when everyone was silenced and James was called forward as the prom king. He applauded and stared a bit in front of him. James looked extremely happy, so happy he pressed a kiss on Lily's lips before running up stage. Lily looked flabbergasted but Sirius could see her flushed and trying to hide an enormous grin. Sirius looked for a moment at Remus and smiled weakly. He hoped they got some time together tonight. Even if it was just for a few minutes to get a hug. Sirius needed his arms wrapped around Remus, he craved for it and secretly he hoped Remus was thinking about the same thing right now. Their hands brushed again for a moment and Sirius felt how a bomb of butterflies exploded in his tummy. He was in love. Yes. He was so in love and -. He saw how Remus' smile faded and frowned a little. The whole crowd was laughing and the guy on the stage looked kind of awkward as he tried not to laugh. Sirius frowned and fell his heart drop as the guy on stage spoke again.

'Sirius Black?' They had pronounced the prom queen.


	19. Fire whiskey

**Note:** We're getting close to the end... exciting!

* * *

 **Fire Whiskey**

That was it. His life was over. Sirius kept staring in front at him. He bolted his fists and clenched his teeth. He just had been humiliated in front of the whole school and the one responsible for this wouldn't get away with it. Sirius eyes scanned the room and his eyes met the eyes of Severus Snape. Him. It was him. Sirius felt like hitting him right now and right here but before he could act, he got grabbed by the shoulders. James had acted right, he had seen Sirius' face and wouldn't let his best friend get himself kicked out of school. Everyone kept laughing and Sirius let himself be dragged out together with Lily Evans, Peter Pettigrew and followed by a very pale looking Remus Lupin. James set him down on a bench and let go of him. He seemed anxious that Sirius wouldn't stay down and go back in again to kick Snape's ass but how much he wanted to do just that, he couldn't. He let his shoulders hang and stared at the ground in front of him. Everyone fell silent. They had never seen Sirius as hopeless as this and the sight was frightening.

'Sirius?' Lily knelt down in front of him and looked him in the eyes. Sirius shook his head and closed his eyes for a moment. He felt Lily's small hands on his knee and the touch calmed him down a little, but not enough. He had gone from anger to feeling downright defeated but right now he felt the anger coming up again, though in a much stronger form. What he felt for Severus Snape right now wasn't just annoyance, it was hate, pure hate. Sirius got up slowly and James jumped in front of him again but Sirius didn't move forward.

'Go back inside,' he mumbled. 'I'm just going home.' They all looked doubtful, not sure if they should leave Sirius alone like this. Lily tried to touch his arm and change his mind, but Sirius shook her hand off and walked away. He ignored Remus telling him to come back and James shouting that Sirius didn't even have the key to get inside. Sirius couldn't care less. In the small moments he had had alone with his mind, he had come up with a master plan, to get rid of Snivellus forever.

 **xxx**

'Easy mate,' Cedric told him when Sirius gulped down half of the bottle Cedric had brought. He knew that Cedric would bring alcohol to prom and he also knew where to find him. It didn't took long for Sirius to convince Cedric to let him drink. He pretty much offered him. So here he was, with a bottle of wodka, leaning against the wall and smoking a cigarette.

'Yeah yeah,' Sirius mumbled and took another gulp. Cedric looked at him and laughed a little. He hadn't mentioned the "crowning" and Sirius was glad for it. He wasn't sure if he could control his anger if Cedric did mention it. A deep sigh rolled over Sirius' lips and he closed his eyes for a bit. Eventually he pushed himself up from the wall and spun around on his heels, looking at Cedric and holding up the bottle of wodka.

'I need this, but I'll bring you back a full one,' Sirius said and before Cedric could even agree or disagree, Sirius was gone. He walked to the doors of the gym where the feast was still going on and it didn't take him very long to spot Severus, now he just had to wait. Twenty-two minutes and five seconds later, Severus came walking towards the door and Sirius hid behind a huge board. He followed Severus silently and tried not to make too much noise. Something that was quite a thing since he was pretty drunk already. Severus walked towards the boys bathrooms and as soon as Severus had gotten into one of the stalls, Sirius walked into the toilets. He threw the bottle hard on the ground and heard Severus scream in shock. With a huge grin he lit a fire and dropped it into the liquor. He didn't realize that if he had listened a bit better he had heard two screams, one even more familiar than the other, but it was already too late for that.

Sirius looked at the flames catching on and saw how Severus slammed open the door, which got caught with fire and tried to get past it. Sirius stumbled backwards into the hallway where the wodka had leaked too and had to jump out of the way not to have his pants caught on fire. For a moment Sirius closed his eyes again and turned around. The world was spinning and he saw a large figure coming towards him and shaking him. A voice screamed his name and pushed him aside. Sirius clammed on to the wall and closed his eyes. He heard screams behind him but they were too far away from him. He didn't care. It was done now. He had fixed it.

'Sirius! Sirius for fucks sake help me!' the figure screamed at him but Sirius didn't even turn around. He heard more voices and felt more hands grab on to him and in the end he heard sirens. The world was starting to spin more and Sirius could barely stand on his feet. His black hair was hanging in front of his eyes and he suddenly felt a wave of sickness. He got dragged outside and threw up on the parking lot. He sat down and stared at the sirens. They were shining too bright and Sirius felt like his head got bounced against the the wall. It hurt and Sirius shut his eyes while two brancards got rolled outside. Some paramedic screamed something but Sirius could only stare and lean against the wall behind him. From that point his memory stopped, he tried to get up but his legs wouldn't give in and when he fell down to the ground again, he blacked out to wake up some hours later in a very white room.


	20. Blurred memories

**Note:** poor Sirius... will he remember?

* * *

 **Blurred memories**

'He looks dead.'

'He's just hangover, the doctors said there was nothing very wrong with him. He just drank too much.' Sirius rolled around, he didn't want to wake up. His head hurt and he barely remembered yesterday. He didn't want to know it and he also wanted to sleep. He was tired.

'Padfoot, are you awake?' Peter asked him.

'No,' Sirius mumbled and he pulled the pillow over his head. He felt someone tug at the pillow but he wasn't planning on letting go. He felt like absolute crap.

'We have water and painkillers, at least take that.' Sirius slowly pulled away the pillow and opened his eyes, looking into the room. He wasn't in his room in James' house and just now he realized that James had said "the doctors said there was nothing very wrong". Why was he in a bloody hospital. He sat up straight and took the glass of water and the small pill. James was standing next to his bed and Peter was sitting on the visitors chair. Behind them in a corner was a very tired looking Lily Evans. They all looked tired, tired and worried.

'What happened?' Sirius asked. Something was definitely up, otherwise he wouldn't have been here in the hospital. He tried to think back but it only caused him more pain in his head and he decided to do that later. James and Lily looked at each other and then back at Sirius. They seemed to doubt about something but Sirius felt too tired to care to ask. He saw that James had some bandage around his arm and frowned slightly. He let himself fall back slowly and closed his eyes. He tried to focus on his body, to see if there was anything wrong but he only found a small piece of bandage wrapped around his ankle, that seemed to be it. He had probably done something stupid. Like fall off a table while dancing and pass out

'Just go to sleep, Sirius,' James whispered softly and he walked out of the room. Sirius opened his eyes for a bit and how Lily and Peter followed. Something was very wrong. James never used Sirius' full name in that tone unless something was wrong. Sirius sighed and stared at the ceiling. He thought back at yesterday and suddenly remembered something again. The crowning. He felt the hate take over his body again and bolted his fists. Snivellus. Maybe he had gotten in a fight with him after getting drunk. He could easily have beaten up Snivellus without getting hit himself, but that wouldn't explain the bandage around James' arm. It also wouldn't explain the disappointment. If James had tried to stop him - which he probably wouldn't have - he would have gotten hit in the face or something and not have this huge strap of bandage around his arm. Also, he wouldn't act so strange. He would just have told the truth. It's not like beating up Severus was such a big deal. Or Lily had turned him into a softy after all. Sirius sighed agains and bit his lip. He felt like slipping away again and he let himself. His head didn't agree on him thinking too much and soon he had fallen back to sleep.

 **xxx**

When Sirius woke again, it was night. He could see the darkness outside through the small gap between the curtains. His head still felt sore but he felt much better. He slowly got up and got out of bed. He needed to pee, desperately. He stumbled to the bathroom and when he was done, checked himself in the mirror. He looked kinda pale and tired, but there didn't seem to be much wrong with him. He needed to know what had happened. Just when he wanted to walk out of his room, a flash of memories came back.

 **xxx**

 _A voice screamed his name and pushed him aside. Sirius clammed on to the wall and closed his eyes. He heard screams behind him but they were too far away from him. He didn't care. It was done now. He had fixed it._

 _'_ _Sirius! Sirius for fucks sake help me!' the figure was James. His best friend, James Potter. Sirius just stared at James. He felt people grab his arms and saw how James ran into the bathroom and pulled out someone. When Sirius got dragged outside he could see the face of Severus Snape. He was covered in burns and screamed in pain. James didn't look at Sirius and ran back inside while Sirius got dragged out onto the parking lot were they got Severus into the ambulance. Sirius looked over inside and saw the flames haunt the school like hungry wolves. James didn't come out again and Sirius felt himself lose conscious, why in godsname did James go back in?_

 **xxx**

Sirius breathed heavily and leaned against the doorpost, looking at the ground. He had done that. He had tried to pay back Severus and had almost killed the guy. Sirius quickly closed the door and sat down on his bed. He shook his head. These were just nightmare. That wasn't Sirius. He might have bullied Severus but he would never try to kill him. Sirius put his foot on the bed and looked at the bandage around his ankle, slowly getting it off and looking at the bright red burn on his ankle. He felt his heart bounce. What if he was dead? No. If he was dead Sirius would have been taken to prison already, they wouldn't have let him sleep away his hangover. He lay down on the bed and stared at the ceiling again, trying to wrap his head around it. He had so many questions and he just didn't know the answers to them. He could think of some but there were still some big gaps. The biggest one of them; why had James run straight back into the fire while Severus was already out. Sirius closed his eyes and shook his head. He needed to ask James. He got up again and walked out of his room, searching for someone he knew. Someone who could tell him what the hell he had done.


	21. Say something

**Note:** :ccc sadness. Anyways, thank you all for all the sweet reviews! ^^

* * *

 **Say something**

'Black, what the hell are you doing out of bed?' It was Lily. Sirius spun around and looked at her. She sighed softly and put down the paper she had been reading. 'James and Peter aren't here, they went home to take a quick shower and eat some. I volunteered to stay here and… well. I just want to make sure everyone is alright.' Sirius still stared at her kind of hopeless. He didn't want to talk to Lily about it, he was pretty sure she judged him for what he had done. Maybe it wasn't like that anymore but Severus and Lily used to be best friend. Sirius knew she still cared about him, maybe from a distance but that was enough to hate Sirius for what he had tried. Lily got up and carefully wrapped her arm around Sirius, taking him back to his room and getting him into his bed.

'Don't you hate me?' Sirius asked her softly. She looked back at him and smiled weakly, sitting on the edge after tugging him in.

'Of course I don't hate you,' she told him, but Sirius didn't really believe her.

'But I killed your best friend,' Sirius mumbled softly and avoided her eyes. He didn't want to see the pain in her eyes when he brought up that subject. He already felt guilty and he had seen enough people look at him with that painful disappointing look.

'You didn't kill Severus, Sirius,' she said softly. 'He is okay. He just has a few burns but nothing major. James saved him right on time. He is mostly really grumpy and coughing every now and then because the smoke affected his longes.' Longues. Smoke. Remus! Sirius got up again and looked at her.

'Did Remus come to visit me?' Sirius asked her. He saw how her eyes slowly turned sad. She shook her head and looked down at her hands. Sirius suddenly felt really empty. Remus hadn't come. He didn't care enough or maybe he was angry. Maybe he was angry at him, just like James for acting like that. Maybe Sirius wasn't who Remus thought he was and he had had enough of him.

'I'm sorry Sirius but I'm afraid Remus isn't going to come any time soon,' she whispered softly. Suddenly Sirius didn't want her to be here anymore. He lay down again and turned his back to her. He heard how she sighed and got up again.

'Just try to sleep a little, alright?' she whispered. He felt her lips shortly on her cheek and heard how she left the room and closed the door. Remus wouldn't come. Had he told Lily he had broken up with him? He knew Remus and Lily were friends. They were both book nerds and spent a lot of their time in the libraries. Maybe that's why Lily always looked like she knew everything. Remus had told him. Sirius slowly felt himself get angry. Remus had told her about everything! He had promised to keep it quiet and now he had just left him, like that. Sirius pushed hard against the chair next to his bed so it fell backwards and made a hard noise. As a response the door was opened and a nurse came rushing in.

'Everything okay, mister Black?' she asked. Sirius ignored her and closed his eyes. She carefully put the chair back up and took away Sirius' empty water glass. 'I'll let you sleep. You need your rest.' Again Sirius didn't respond. He didn't need rest, he just needed the truth and he needed to see Remus so he could tell him what a bitch he was for leaving Sirius like that. Where had he even been while Sirius had been drunk on the ground. What boyfriend didn't come to help him? When he was feeling that awful! Sirius felt like grabbing the chair and throwing it hard against the wall but his body didn't feel like getting up. He felt tired again and eventually he let his eyes fall close again.

 **xxx**

 _Sirius was standing in the boys bathroom again. He felt the bottle in his hands and smashed it on the floor. The feeling was wonderful when he saw the fire and heard the screams, but he stiffened when he listened well. Right behind the loud scream of Severus, had sounded a less loud scream. Sirius mind raced fast. He wanted to walk forward to pull open the door of the last stall, but the fire was already blocking his way and weather he wanted it or not; Sirius' body moved the other way. He saw James figure come again and heard him scream at him again but Sirius could only repeat what he had done the other night. Het cold greeted him and he looked up at Severus' brancard being brought out. The second boy. Who was the second boy? He stared at the doors, waiting for James to come back outside. He knew it was any moment now, he could only just wait and when it happened, when the doors flung open, Sirius froze. James came out with a small boy in this arms, being supported by one of the firemen. For a moment the hazel brown eyes of the sand haired boy in James' arms caught his and that's when both boys fell into blackness._

 **xxx**

When Sirius woke up, bathing in sweat, he just stared in front of him for a few moments. Eventually he jumped out of the bed and ran onto the hallway. A nurse tried to stop him but he started flinging open all the doors. No. No. No. He ran faster, to the end of the hall and flung open the last door. His longues screamed together with his head and Sirius just stared. In front of him on the huge white bed was a tiny boy. He looked even more thin in this huge bed, even though he was some inches taller than Sirius. His skin was pale and he was covered in red burns. His hazel brown eyes were closed and his sand colored hair hung in front of his face. Sirius stumbled into the room and just stared at the boy, feeling himself down in guilt. It seems like he had already paid the price for his actions, he had gotten his own boyfriend into the hospital. He had almost killed his own, Remus, his Moony.


	22. Dying for your love

**Note:** This is almost the last chapter... only one more... *cries*

* * *

 **Dying for your love**

Very carefully, Sirius sits down next to Remus. He takes his hands and wants to tangle their fingers, but when he sees the burns on Remus' arms, he quickly reduces. A lonely tear streams over his face and he just looks at Remus with his hands, folded in his lap. This was all Sirius' fault. Remus was there and Sirius just set the place on fire. He was too drunk. Too angry. Too stupid. He shook his head and curses softly, leant back and tilted his head so he wasn't looking at Remus anymore but at the plain, grey ceiling. Telling everyone you're not stupid and then doing something like this? You are stupid, Sirius, you are. Sirius told himself. He tried to stop it, but more tears started to escape his eyes. They rolled down his cheeks and left a salty trail before rolling over the edge of his jaw, over his neck, into his shirt. Sirius couldn't care less, he didn't even bother wiping them away. He was here alone with Remus, no one could see him anyways. Besides that the guilt wasn't going to drown him literary so maybe his tears would.

After a while, Sirius tilted his head forward again and looked at Remus who moved a little. He leaned forward and stroke his hair out of his face, before softly kissing his lips on Remus' forehead. Some tears fell down on Remus' pale skin. Sirius kissed his eyelids, his cheeks, his nose and eventually rested his lips on those beautiful, soft lips.

'Just wake up,' he whispered. 'Please just wake up.' He kissed Remus again but then pulled back when he heard the door creek. James was standing in the doorpost and looked at him. He probably had seen what Sirius had done and Sirius suddenly felt at unease.

'You shouldn't be here, Sirius,' he said and walked inside. 'You know what you did to him, right?' James was accusing him. He knew it. Sirius swallowed and shook his head. He knew he shouldn't be here, but he couldn't not be here. He stayed silent and waited for James to continue. 'Go home, or something. I don't even care.' Sirius stiffened. James was mad. He looked up and nodded slowly.

'I…-' 'YOU ALMOST KILLED THEM!' Sirius looked at him with big eyes. Fuck. He swallowed hard and got up slowly. He didn't do it on purpose.

'I know,' Sirius whispered. 'It… was an accident.'

'You tried to set Snape on fire, that wasn't an accident, maybe pulling… him… in there wasn't, but it certainly wasn't an accident.' James looked at him with disgust. 'What the FUCK where you thinking?!' Sirius remained silent and didn't look at James, he felt ashamed as hell and tried to avoid his eyes. 'Oh no… wait, you weren't, thinking. You never do. You're a fucking idiot. I can't believe you would do something like this! FUCKING LOOK AT ME!'

Sirius shook his head and tried to walk past James, but James held him back and sighed deep. Sirius still didn't look at him, he was crying right now. He felt unbelievably guilty and having James scream at him made him want to puke. He had fucked up, badly.

'I get it, James,' Sirius mumbled, 'but I regret it. Badly.' Sirius half chocked on his tears. 'I should just have set myself on fire, that would have been for the best.'

'Don't give me that. You fucking dramaqueen. Just work on this. You can't have him as a boyfriend if you bring his life in danger. He isn't like us, he is less fit. Bloody realize that, okay?'

'He is not my bo-.' 'For fucks sake can you stop lying for once!' Sirius looked up at him and bit his lip. 'I'm not stupid, Sirius. I know he is your boyfriend. Everyone can see that.' James rolled his eyes and pushed Sirius down on the chair. 'So now you bloody hell going to act like one and stay here to look after him.'

'But you just said I shouln't be-.' 'And now I've changed my mind, just do it, okay? You owe him that. Also, buy him lots of flowers and… and chocolate or something and next time you try to kill Severus… no. Just don't kill him, okay? Don't kill anyone. I need my best friend… and… for fucks sake Sirius, you scared the bloody hell out of me, I thought you had gone mental.'

'Maybe a little bit,' Sirius whispered. He got up and pulled James in a tight hug. James sighed and hugged him back.

'Asshole.'

'Assfuck,' Sirius mumbled back.

'Idiot.'

'Dickhead.'

'Poof.' Sirius looked at him with a frown and James grinned. Sirius slapped him hard against the back of his head and released him, before sitting down on the chair again. He sighed and looked at Remus, feeling slightly better but still guilty. He wondered how Remus would respond when he woke up. He felt like he might be mad or disappointed. He preferred mad, because he wasn't sure if he could handle more people being disappointed in him. That hurt the most. James sat down on the chair next to Sirius and looked at the heart monitor which was softly peeping. Remus seemed really calm, very peaceful but something twitched and Sirius bit his lip worried. He twitched again and suddenly gasped for air. Sirius and James looked at each other and Sirius got pale when Remus started to breath very unsteady and weird. James got up and quickly pushed the red button to call the doctors. Sirius grabbed Remus' hand and tangled their fingers, not letting go this time. He kissed Remus' cheek and promised him everything would be okay. James was pacing up and down the room, next to him but then suddenly stopped. Sirius looked at him and frowned, only to see James getting very pale. Sirius knew something was wrong, the doctors came rushing in as he turned back to Remus and saw the soft beeping of Remus' heart monitor had stopped. Sirius stared at Remus and back at the monitor and realized what had just happened as he had got pushed away by the doctors. James was just in time to catch him when he collapsed down onto the floor.


	23. Apologies

**Note:** Last chapter... :c

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 **Apologies**

It seemed to take ages before the doctors finally came out with news. Sirius had been sitting in the waiting room with James. It was already very late and Sirius hadn't eaten yet but he didn't want to. He also didn't want to get dressed into his normal clothes and every time, James tried to have conversation with him, he just ignored him. Lily came back after a while and told them, Peter had fallen asleep, so he would be back tomorrow. She had puffy red eyes, she had clearly heard the news about Remus and James pulled her close. Sirius didn't want to look at them, it would make him feel even less hopeful. He just stared at the white door in front of him and waited for someone to come out, but the longer it lasted, the more hope he lost. Lily told him that this was good news, if Remus wouldn't have survived, they would have come out already, so it meant he was still alive. Sirius knew she was right, but it didn't make him feel better and he told himself, he would leave the country as soon as he was sure, Remus was okay.

'Mr. and Mrs. Lupin?' Sirius jumped up as one of the doctor entered the room. Remus parents had been sitting here for quite some time, but since they barely said a thing and you could only hear Mrs. Lupin's sniffs every now and then, Sirius didn't really notice them. He exchanged a look with them. Would they know who he was? That he was the one who had done this? He bit his lip and quickly sat down again. They had the right to know first, not him.

'Your son is alright,' the doctor told them. Sirius looked up and stared at him. He felt better than he had felt in the past few hours. Remus had made it. He was okay. 'He is awake now, but he needs to rest soon. You can see him for a moment if you want.' Remus' parents thanked the doctor and rushed inside, leaving James, Lily and a very nervous Sirius behind. A part of Sirius didn't want to go in. He was scared Remus knew what had happened and would be mad. He didn't want to see the disgust in Remus' eyes, just like he had seen in James' eyes. He bit his lip hard and played nervously with his shirt, while waiting for Remus' parents to come out. He looked down at the ground and he felt a soft tap on this shoulder. Sirius looked up and saw Mr. Lupin stand in front of him.

'He asked for you,' he said and nodded at the door. Sirius swallowed and got up slowly. He wiped his sweaty hands dry and thanked Mr. Lupin softly before walking in. Remus was sitting up a little, he still looked very pale but at least he had some colour in his cheeks. Sirius sat down on the chair next to Remus but didn't look him into the eyes.  
'Hey,' he whispered.

'Hey,' Remus whispered back. 'My parents told me what happened.'

'Oh…' Sirius felt his courage drop. 'Want me to go?'

'No. I want to talk to you.'

'You should rest,' Sirius whispered.

'Later, I first want to make sure my boyfriend is alright.'

'You're the one who just died and you're asking me if I'm alright?' Sirius asked confused and looked up at him. Remus looked back at him and sighed softly. He didn't look angry, maybe a little bit disappointed but mostly worried. He reached out for Sirius and cupped his face, carefully.

'Don't be so hard on yourself.' Sirius barked out a softly, cheerless laugh.

'I almost killed you. I almost killed my boyfriend. At least smack me in the face or break up with me or something. I get that. I would have done the same.'

'Would you now?' Remus asked and Sirius looked him in the eyes. Sirius bit his lips.

'No,' he whispered and he saw a slow smile appear on Remus' lips.

'Sirius… I'm not mad. I'm disappointed, yes, but mostly worried about you. I know you are impulsive and it doesn't help if you get hurt like that, but I also know it wouldn't have happened if you would have felt perfectly fine. You had a rough few weeks, with your parents, with the unwanted coming out. You got drunk, dit something out of impulse and made a big mistake.'

'Stop pretending like it's okay what I did!'

'It isn't okay and you made a very big mistake, but you can set it right.' Sirius shook his head and looked down.

'How? How on earth can you forgive me?' Remus tilted his head with his long fingers and made Sirius look into his eyes. He leaned over and softly kissed his forehead.

'I can forgive you because I love you. That's what you do when you are in love. You forgive and forgive and maybe it's a mistake to forgive you, but I don't think it is. I don't think you are that kind of guy and I can see that you regret it.' Sirius looked at him. He felt his heart starting to beat faster as Remus' fingers traced over his cheek. He leaned in and closed the gap between them. For a short time they locked their lips together, but eventually, Remus pulled back and lay down on the bed. He looked at Sirius and made a space next to him. Sirius smiled weakly and carefully got up, sliding under the sheets next to Remus and wrapping his arms around him. Remus sighed softly and leaned his head on Sirius chest. Tired of crying and tired of the whole day, Sirius dozed off pretty quick, Remus following him, until they got woken up hours later for dinner and they ate it together, in bed, Sirius not wanting to leave Remus' side, not ever again. James told him he should come home, but Sirius just ignored him and nuzzled his face in Remus' neck until Lily dragged James away to give them some privacy and after many shared kisses, they fell asleep in each others arms again and slept like they never had before. Tangled up and with flushed cheeks, both very deeply in love.


	24. Epilogue

**Note:** THANK YOU FOR READING MY STORY 3

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 **Epilogue**

It was Monday morning and everyone was just doing their normal business. It had been a week since the dance and school had been opened again. For the past week it was closed since a part of the school had burned down due a very hot fight - literary. The story about Sirius Black being prom queen had been spread through the entire school and they were all waiting what was going to be the end of it. In the meanwhile, Sirius had spend his entire week at Remus' bed side, talking to him and sleeping with him, making sure he got treated well and pampering him. James had laughed at him, but Sirius just ignored him and sat down Remus' bed to read for him. Lily just dragged James home so the two boys could have some private time and that was pretty much how the week had been. Remus had gotten a lot better and though Sirius hadn't gone to visit Severus, he knew he would be released soon too.

Sirius hadn't forgiven himself for his drunk mistake, but Remus had and James had too, which made it a bit more bearable. Also spending every night in Remus' arms wasn't such a bad things, so it had it's pros. Eventually Remus got released from the hospital, he would be able to go back to school that Monday but probably only for half the day. Sirius was determined to stay with him the entire time and not lose him out of sight. He felt as it was his responsibility to look after Remus and even though Remus did not agree, he didn't oblige. He enjoyed being pampered by his very handsome and loving boyfriend.

So on Monday morning, Sirius came over to Remus' house to help him to school. Remus was already standing in the doorpost. His mother was holding his bag, handing it to Remus and smiling at Sirius and Remus was packed in his pull, woolen socks and brown pants, looking very flushed and very cute. Over the past days, Sirius had been able to meet Remus' parent's. They were lovely and Remus very much resembled his mother - Hope Lupin. At the beginning Remus' father hadn't really agreed on Sirius being there. He didn't oblige of Remus having a boyfriend, just of the fact that his boyfriend had almost set their son on fire, but he came around. Remus made sure of that and Sirius felt very comfortable to be their, it started to feel like a second home, which was amazing since he had never had a home, but suddenly had two.

'Good morning, Mrs. Lupin,' Sirius greeted Hope Lupin. She greeted him back, handed him the backpack - which he slung over his shoulder - and then said goodbye to her son. When she closed the door, Sirius walked over to Remus and softly pressed his lips on Remus'. The sand haired boy stiffened a bit, but kissed him back eventually.

'You're in a good mood,' Remus said and smiled.

'Yes, well today I'm finally going to introduce the school to my perfect boyfriend.' Remus blushed and pecked his lips before taking Sirius' hand in to his and walking to the busstation. As they got in the bus, they didn't untangle their fingers and everyone stared. Sirius smirked and walked to the back of the bus, sitting down and wrapping his arm around Remus. Remus sat close to him and flushed a bit, looking up at Sirius.

'They are staring,' he whispered and Sirius looked back at him.

'Well lets give them something to stare at, then,' he whispered back. He cupped Remus' face and pressed his lips on his. He didn't let go of Remus until James slapped against his head and sat down next to him with Peter and Lily. Sirius laughed softly and looked at Remus who leaned his head on Sirius' shoulder. Yes, he could ge used to his. Lily and Remus started talking about something to do with a new book that got released and James started blabbering about football, having Peter hanging at his lips. Sirius just leaned back and looked at the perfect boy, laying against him. They arrived at school about ten minutes later and Sirius got up lazily. He wrapped his arm around Remus' waist and pulled him close, showing everyone this boy was his. Remus kept flushing and Sirius laughed softly.

'I like your sweater,' Sirius whispered in his ear. Remus looked up at him and smiled. 'My Moony being all vintage. Is it your granddad's?' Remus rolled his eyes and pulled his sleeves over his hands.

'Don't insult my oversized pulls. They are very comfy,' Remus mumbled and Sirius barked out a laugh.

'I love you when you get all grumpy over your pulls.' Remus huffed and walked onto the school yard. Sirius laughed and followed him. 'Are you ready to show the whole school how much of a gay queen you are?' Remus asked Sirius. Sirius saw Remus was expecting Sirius to snap because he reduced a little but Sirius didn't snap, he just grinned and opened his backpack.

'One more thing,' Sirius said, he got a crown out of his bag and putted it on his head, Remus stared at him and then giggled.

'I love you, queen Sirius,' he whispered.

'I love you too, Moony,' Sirius said bad and winked at him before walking down the hall. Sirius and Remus paraded through he hall, side by side, being the most fabulous couple of course and the queen and the wolf lived happily ever after and didn't die until they were old and grey.

 _THE END_


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